Monday is Memorial Day. That means a few things, most importantly that you should take the opportunity to thank the veterans in your life for their service. (NOTE: Matt and the SB Nation gang made a great video that you should check out.) It also means that things could be a little light around here. Expect a “Game of Thrones” recap and maybe a What’s On Tonight, but unless something huge happens (“NBC SHOOTS DAN HARMON AND 20 BABY KITTENS TO THE MOON”), we’re taking the day off, too. I recommend checking out Entertainment Weekly’s helpful list of all the marathons this weekend. Cinemax is running all of the Naked Gun, Robocop, and Major League movies back-to-back. This is an incredibly direct route to my heart.

Mad Men (AMC, Sunday) – Just once I want there to be an entire episode of the show where all the guys in the office chase Joan around in fast-forward while the Benny Hill theme plays. I don’t ask much.

Game of Thrones (HBO, Sunday) – From TV Guide: “The Lannisters’ control of King’s Landing is in peril when Stannis’ fleet launches an all-out assault.” YO. YES. Every show should have the phrase “all-out assault” in their episode description. Hmm, maybe I do kinda ask a lot.

Veep (HBO, Sunday) – I don’t know if you all realize this, but “Veep” is awesome. A three-day weekend would be a great time to get caught up if you’re behind.

The Firm (NBC, Saturday) – NBC is airing two brand new episodes of this show the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. This is not a vote of confidence. No, it is not.

Take us home, Ray.

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To celebrate the launch of “Man vs. Food” on Food Network UK, British chef Tristan Welch made the “world’s meatiest sandwich,” according to Eater. I can safely verify that, yes, the sandwich, all 28 pounds of it, is very meaty. It contains 35 different kinds of meat; here they are, ranked by their tastiness in three categories:

VERY BEST: bacon, bratwurst, chorizo, cooked chicken, dry-cured prosciutto, herbed Saucisson Sec de Provence, Italian sausage, nduja, pancetta, pastrami, prosciutto, roast beef, Saucisson Sec de Provence, smoked duck breast, and smoked venison

BEST: cooked turkey, cooked pork, Finocchiona, garlic chicken, and Mortadella

MERELY GOOD: Boiled ham, breaded ham, corned beef, cured ham, French peppercorn salami, garlic salami, German salami, honey-roast ham, Italian salami, Parma ham, roast ham, Serrano ham, speck, and wild boar pork salami (not a big ham or salami guy – it’s my curse to live with)

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to buy all the chorizo in New York. Happy Memorial Day.

If any of you were looking for a video of a corgi going berserk, getting into a can of black spray paint, and setting his owners’ kitchen on fire while they scream a bunch of cuss words, then HOO BOY do I have some good news for you. And I also have good news for those of you who watched the video and wondered if the dog suffered any ill effects after getting covered in spray paint and causing a massive indoor fireball: he’s fine. Good news all around.

As for the rest of this week’s edition of Corgi Friday, we’ve got two important slides from around the web to get to, then a great reader submission. I say “great” because not only are the pictures and story very cool, but also because it was emailed directly to me, so I didn’t have to look all over the Internet for pictures like a schlub. This sort of thing is definitely encouraged.

Enjoy.

Thanks to Rebecca for the tip on the video
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Gather ’round, kiddies, it’s time for a story.

Once upon a time, this post was going to be about NBC narrowly beating out ABC to climb out of last place in this season’s Nielsen ratings. But then I looked into things a little more and realized that those numbers included both Sunday Night Football and the Super Bowl, which is a little like saying “Meryl Streep and Snooki have been nominated for a combined 17 Academy Awards.” So that story was stupid. Then I stumbled across a story about Britney Spears allegedly walking off the set of “X Factor” after a contestant performed a terrible rendition of her song “Hold It Against Me.” But I did some more research into that news as well, and there are some conflicting reports about what happened (Britney tweeted that she was “just taking a little break”), and I really did not feel like doing a he said, she said, OMG IS BRITNEY CRAZY AGAIN MAYBE post, so I scrapped that one, too. Post time was approaching quickly and nary a word written was in the open draft. Things were looking bleak for our hero.

But then, like a light shining down from heaven, I came across a GIF from the upcoming Syfy movie Jersey Shore Shark Attack where Joey Fatone gets eaten by a shark, and I hurriedly posted the everloving sh-t out of it. And we all lived happily ever after.

THE END.

via Buzzfeed

Hey! Here’s when a bunch of shows you may or may not care about return/premiere this summer (times EST):

“Workaholics” – May 29, Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.
“MasterChef” – June 4, Fox, 9 p.m.
“Rizzoli & Isles”/”Franklin & Bash” – June 5, TNT, 9 p.m./10 p.m.
“Royal Pains”/“Necessary Roughness” – June 6, USA, 9 p.m./10 p.m.
“Comedy Bang Bang”/“Bunk” – June 8, IFC, 10 p.m./10:30 p.m.
“True Blood” – June 10, HBO, 9 p.m.
“Dallas” – June 13, TNT, 9 p.m.
“Burn Notice”/“Suits” – June 14, USA, 9 p.m./10 p.m.
“Falling Skies” – June 17, TNT, 9 p.m.
“Futurama” – June 20, Comedy Central, 10 p.m.
“The Newsroom” – June 24, HBO, 10 p.m.
“Aqua Teen Hunger Force” – June 24, Adult Swim, 11:45 p.m.
“Anger Management” – June 28, FX, 9 p.m./9:30 p.m.
“Wilfred” – June 28, FX, 10 p.m.
“Awkward” – June 28, MTV, 10:30 p.m.
“Louie” – June 28, FX, 10:30 p.m.
“Brand X with Russell Brand” – June 28, FX, 11 p.m.
“Weeds”/“Episodes” – July 1, Showtime, 10 p.m./10:30 p.m.
“Web Therapy” – July 2, Showtime, 11 p.m.
“The Closer” – July 9, TNT, 9 p.m.
“White Collar”/“Covert Affairs” – July 10, USA, 9 p.m./10 p.m.
“Damages” – July 11, DirecTV, 10 p.m.
“Breaking Bad” – July 15, AMC, 10 p.m.
“Hell on Wheels” – August 12, AMC, 9 p.m.
“Boss” – August 17, Starz, 10 p.m.

ARE YOU AS PUMPED FOR SEASON EIGHT OF “WEEDS” AS I AM? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, GIFs.

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Nielsen has released the series ratings for the 2011-2012 season, from one to 155. Below, I’ve included only the 18-49 ratings, which are all that really matter to advertisers. It is interesting to note, however, that a few shows that scored very well in overall viewers fared terribly in the 18-49 demo. For instance, “Blue Bloods” was the 21st most watched show in overall viewers, but 88th among the 18-49 demo. More surprising to me was that “The Good Wife” fared significantly better in overall viewers (25th) than the 18-49 demo (65). No wonder it was on the cancellation bubble.

For the record, the highest rated show to get canceled was “Rob” (at 22), while the lowest rated to get renewed was “Rock Center with Brian Williams” (138). The highest rated new show of the year was “2 Broke Girls.” We’re not including CW shows, obviously, although their highest rated show, “Vampire Diaries,” only mustered 122nd overall in the 18-49 demo.

As for Warming Glow friendly shows: “New Girl” was #12, “The Simpsons” is still hanging in there at #33 after 23 seasons, “Happy Endings” was at #42, “Parks and Rec” was #74, “30 Rock” was 82nd, and “Community” was 91st, a notch below “Work It” (#90). Ouch.

Here’s the full list in the 18-49 demo.

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