High Society (CW) — Series premiere. Billed essentially as “Jersey Shore with rich people,” this is already reviled by critics who’ve had the misfortune to screen it. The Los Angeles Times called the cast members “aging children of unearned privilege” while noting their various and sickening disconnection with people living in the real world. I’d much rather go clubbing with Pauly D and the Situation. Can anyone lend me an Ed Hardy shirt?

America’s Next Top Model (CW) — Season premiere. Ninety minutes of Tyra. I swear this is like the 20th season in the last five years.

Modern Family (ABC) — Judy Greer guest stars as one of Phil’s old girlfriends. Again: I’ve enjoyed most the guest stars this season, but they’re really unnecessary.

Human Target (Fox) — This dud makes me want to go buy the eponymous comic books that have been debased by the show’s existence.

CSI: New York (CBS) — Ian Ziering guest stars! Steve Sanders in the house!

Psych (USA) — Season finale. I’d like to thank to the handful of people who offered their sincere recommendation that I watch this show. I still haven’t caught an episode, but it was a really nice gesture.

Attack of the Show (G4) — I don’t give this show much love, because it comes on at 7 p.m. (too early) and I don’t know where to find G4 on my cable box. But Annie Wersching (crazy Renee from “24″) will be on the show, and I happen to consider that newsworthy.

THEN: “Best girlfriends forever!” (back then, teenagers wrote out the entire word “forever”)

NOW: *acoustic, emo version of “Friends” theme* “So no one told you life was gonna be this way…”

(via SI)

Everyone who put the time into watching “Jimmy Kimmel’s Handsome Men’s Club” seemed to really enjoy it, so here’s a clip from Kimmel that reveals some of the outtakes during filming (see video below). It’s not nearly as long as the original sketch — that would be impossible — but it still has a few chuckles without resorting to the par-for-the-course “Oh no! I forgot my line!” crap that never makes me laugh.

This got me thinking: I’d kind of like to see the gender reverse of this. I mean, sure, the “Beautiful Women’s Club” probably wouldn’t be as funny, but it’d be really great to look at. I’m now taking votes for who could play the funnywoman host trying to pass herself off as beautiful. Tina Fey? Sarah Silverman? Oh yeah, Silverman. I never realized how perfect she and Kimmel were for each before now.

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Oh, well that explains everything.

Corey Haim, who died last night of a drug overdose, turned down the opportunity to be on VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab” when approached by a casting company earlier this mornth, according to TMZ.

Sources connected with Dr. Drew’s show tell us casting producers called Corey. They say he was “extremely defensive and insulted, saying, ‘It’s the last show I’d ever do.’”

Incorrect. That would be “The Two Coreys.”

Our sources say the 3-minute conversation ended with Corey saying, “I do not need help.”

To clarify, he hung up mid-sentence, just before he said, “…doing drugs.”

Close the door and buckle your sweatpants, nerds, because this is the coolest mash-up I’ve seen in ages: “Battlestar Galactica” set to the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage,” with the scenes cut to mirror the iconic ’90s/faux-’70s music video (see the incredible side-by-side video below, via BuzzFeed).

Now, granted, I may be overhyping the coolness slightly because “Sabotage” automatically makes anything 30% better (seriously, try having sex while it’s playing on your stereo). But I doubt it. As someone who rarely spends more than an hour writing anything, the time that must have gone into making this video is mind-boggling to me. The only way you could improve this concept is if it was three minutes of Tricia Helfer pole-dancing set to “Sabotage.” It wouldn’t be as faithful to the Beasties’ video, but then, it wouldn’t need to be, now would it?

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Mattel will create a limited edition of “Mad Men”-inspired Barbie and Ken dolls, according to the New York Times. Although the expensive ($74.95) toys will be aimed more at the adult collectors’ market, the dolls unfortunately will NOT come with accessories like cigarettes and martini glasses.

Of course, since this is from the New York Times, no article would be complete without a quote from a professor at a northeastern university:

“‘Mad Men’ represents so beautifully the universe that created Barbie,” said Robert Thompson, professor of television and popular culture at Syracuse University, because the series is about the selling of the American consumer society.

The personification of Betty Draper as Barbie is particularly resonant, Mr. Thompson said, because she represents “the wife who lives in her dream house whose soul is eaten away.”

“Read this brilliant insight — and more! — in my essay on consumerism that will be published in a periodical read by no one until I assign it to my students next semester.”

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