How I Met Your Mother (CBS) — Milquetoast announcer Jim Nantz and wispy-haired stuffed shirt Phil Simms guest star as the play-by-play announcers for Barney’s life. Hooray for Super Bowl cross-promotion.

Castle (ABC) — I mentioned this in passing last week, but I’ve kinda started watching this show. Like, I don’t think I’ll ever DVR it, but I never seem to have any social obligations on Monday, so I end up on the couch watching “Castle” because nothing else interests me. Not the most ringing endorsement, but an endorsement nonetheless.

Celebrity Fit Club (VH1) — Season premiere, featuring faded and bloated stars like Nicole Eggert, Kebin Federline, and Bobby Brown. I nominate Luke Wilson for the next installment.

Cake Boss (TLC) — Season finale. I hope they make a cake!

House (Fox) — This episode focuses on the hospital through the eyes of Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein). I’m guessing she’ll catch a lot of people staring at her chest.

Intervention (A&E) — This week: alcoholism and bulimia. Hey bulimics, good call on your eating disorder. You have a body image problem, so you go with the disease that rots your teeth and makes your hair fall out. Now you’re beautiful!

This video is a compilation of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” scenes taken out of context to sound like sexual innuendos. It was made two years ago, but I’m sharing it now because it’s new to me (via Urlesque) and because I’m 12 years old and I laugh at cheap jokes.

And not to spoil the best part, but you have to watch at least the first two minutes, because that’s when Commander Riker breaks out the sad trombone. I mean it. Seriously. He actually plays the famous “wah-wah-wahhhhh” we all know and love, and I think he’s going to be a new hero here at Warming Glow. How do you feel about that, Commander Riker?

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The overnight ratings from last night are in, and it’s official: more Americans watched Super Bowl XLIV than anything that’s ever been on television. The big game drew 106.5 million viewers, breaking the record of 105.97 million set in 1983 by the final episode of “M.A.S.H.” No Super Bowl had ever drawn as many as 100 million viewers (98.7M watched last year’s Steelers-Cardinals championship). It’s a pretty big deal, right?

“It is not surprising that the Super Bowl broke viewing records,” said Bill Carroll, vp director of programming at Katz TV Group. “When you have a once-a-year event, particularly suited to HD, with little to no competition on broadcast or cable, while in this economy mostly watched from home, with a blizzard on the East Coast, it would be more surprising if the game did not set a record.” [THR]

Oh. Well then. That guy must be the life of the party wherever he goes. Thanks for the input, VP Director of Pissing in the Punchbowl.

David Letterman was one of the big winners last night, as his promo for “Late Night” featuring Oprah Winfrey and Jay Leno did more with 15 seconds than most $3 million ads did with twice as much time (watch it below). Interestingly, Letterman’s people also reached out to Conan O’Brien for the spot:

Rob Burnett, executive producer of David Letterman’s “Late Show,” said he approached Team Coco about O’Brien appearing in the promo.

“There was an initial thought of having Dave, Jay and Conan together in the spot,” Burnett told TheWrap. “I did call Jeff Ross (O’Brien’s producer) to talk about it.”

But the call came just as O’Brien and Ross were finishing up production on “The Tonight Show” — and nothing ever came of the idea. “It wasn’t as if they even said no,” Burnett said. “I just think they weren’t in a position to consider it all.”

Frankly, I think having Dave and Jay on the same couch was enough of a surprise. The presence of Conan might have been too much awkwardness for my brain to comprehend. It would be like a supernova of awkwardness that would turn Michael Cera into a superhero.

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While there were some disappointing trends last night, not every ad that aired during the Super Bowl was about not wearing pants or how much women totally harsh your buzz. Doritos and Bud Light, for example, appealed to the chip-eating, piss-swilling demographic with stupid, unrealistic gags.

Thankfully, a couple companies decided to hire ad agencies that employ people under the age of 35 who use the Internet. Here are the five ads that stuck out for being at least somewhat clever and original — and, most importantly, for being memorable.

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If there was an overriding theme to this year’s Super Bowl ads, it was a slightly misogynistic tone aimed at wooing emasculated men (lookin’ at you, Dodge Charger), with a minor in not wearing pants. But this supercut (via the Daily What) shows that there was plenty of violence in the commercials, as well. Although not quite enough for my liking. How come nobody sells their product by showing a good stabbing any more? And is there another way to cut this so that Tim Tebow ends up wearing the shock collar from the Doritos ad?
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