SITE NEWS: I gotta bounce early today to catch a flight. These other stories’ll have to get you through the remainder of the day.

Fe-lyin’ around, cat-chin’ some rays. Hey, it was either those puns or “look at these lazy pussies.” Anyway: the very best of cats chillin’. [Buzzfeed]

From Fox News to the Onion News Network. Suzanne Sena used the credibility gained as an anchor at Fox News to land a gig reading fake news. Video at the link. [Mediabistro]

Honest content warnings for HBO shows. The more ridiculous the show, the better the warnings. [College Humor]

Mother Nature’s Punch-Out. Animals fighting, boxing commentary, and the music to Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out. The pieces don’t exactly fit together perfectly, but I approve of the interspecies animal fighting. [Asylum]

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I think I’m happier NOT knowing what’s being said in this Halls commercial. If a product advertises that it can make my chest crank out cross-species animals, that’s good enough for me.

[Japan Probe]

By all accounts, “Trauma” was basically a medical drama as imagined by Michael Bay. It got panned by critics, earned lousy ratings, and NBC announced it was stopping production immediately. Now, by unpopular non-demand, NBC has ordered more episodes.

Why would NBC order more of a low-rated show that isn’t particularly acclaimed and is expensive? [...]

NBC is serving up more “Trauma,” sources say, because the network is short on inventory — quality content that’s ready to roll. Ten “Trauma” episodes will air before the holidays. Now they’ll have another six, instead of an awkward three, to air at some other time (which has yet to be determined). [The Live Feed]

Hmmm… that’s odd. Why would NBC be short on hour-long dramas? Can’t they just plug in another hour of Leno? That idea worked so well the first time.

With only two episodes of “Sons of Anarchy” remaining, “Mad Men” in mothballs until August, and “Friday Night Lights” relegated to DirecTV until next summer, we’re running dangerously low on quality dramas right now (Sorry, I don’t watch “Dexter.” File your complaint here). But at least something closer on the horizon: ABC has finally set a premiere date for the sixth and final season of “Lost.”

ABC confirmed that Lost will kick off its sixth and final season with a two-hour premiere on Tuesday, Feb. 2 from 9-11 pm. The requisite recap special will start things off at 8 pm. The following week, Lost will settle into its regular Tuesday-9 pm perch. [EW]

Below the jump I’ve got the updated cast list and the super-sized season 6 poster, but that’s stuff that not everybody cares about, and I didn’t want to lose anyone’s attention before I made it clear that I’m still available if Evangeline Lilly is looking. Good Lord, there isn’t another woman on television who looks that so covered in dirt and wearing torn clothes. She’d be right at home in my basement.

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Sad pandas will have to make do with O Magazine

After much speculation, Oprah Winfrey has announced that she will end her daily syndicated talk show on ABC, devastating legions of middle-aged women who need Oprah to tell them what to think and what books to read.

The top-rated talk show host told her Chicago audience Thursday that she will conclude her show on Sept. 9, 2011 — when her current contract expires. The announcement will air during [today's] episode of “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” [The Live Feed]

What terrible news. How will I ever get by without not watching this show every day? What show can ABC possibly find that I’ll ignore with equal apathy? It’s like they’ve taken a hole in my life and filled it with a void.

Project Runway (Lifetime) — It sucks that this season was on Lifetime and outdated and irrelevant, because it’s nice to see a final trio composed completely of not-unattractive women, with nary a bitchy flamboyant gay man in sight. Pictured L-R: sexy Irina, occasionally kinda cute Carol Hannah, and she-has-her-moments Althea.

WWII in HD (History) — The final night. I’m now two nights behind thanks to illness and dabbling with a social life for one night, plus I’m going to have to shuffle some things around on my DVR to make sure this records. Why is watching TV so stressful?!?!?

The same Thursday comedies I always watch (NBC, FX) — 8-10 p.m. at NBC, 10-11 at FX. You’re either with me or against me.

CSI: Original Flavor (CBS) — There’s a murder at a bowling tournament. People go bowling in Vegas? How come every week isn’t about another dead hooker?

Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) — I saw something about this going on a two-month hiatus in the middle of its season. I didn’t actually read the item because it was about “Grey’s Anatomy,” but any news about less of this show is good news.

Family Armor (TLC) — A reality show about two Texas brothers who run a business making bulletproof vehicles. TLC scores some points for moving away from its “21st century freak show” programming, but none whatsoever for “remotely interesting idea.”

Nightline (ABC) — In-depth interview with Martha Stewart in which she gets catty towards Rachael Ray. Big whoop.