ANDY ROONEY FTW
03.03.09This was Andy Rooney’s allotted two minutes and change on Sunday night’s “60 Minutes,” and it is a masterwork of oratory.
Days of the week are helpful. Sundays are good, but I like Saturday. Sometimes I’ll write down a day of the week and wonder why it’s spelled that way. “Wednesday” is the hardest day to spell. Sundays are good for pro football, but now football season’s over. People like watching football. It’s so much colder in winter. It would be nice if we could have some warm spring days mixed in the middle of winter to even things out a little. I have a watch that tells me the time, except when the battery dies. Everything dies. That’s why I keep a spare watch battery. Why is a AAA battery smaller than a AA battery?
Seriously, CBS executives: give this man his own show. I want a full half hour — no, hour! — of this. Just put the camera on him and see how long he can do that.
[Videogum]
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Grandpa, go back to your room now.
Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you’d say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones
my cat’s breath smells like cat food
You know what’s hard to spell? Teh interwebs. Because the E and the H are switched, see. These crazy kids with their mtv video games…
The snozberries taste like snozberries. Isn’t the fair fun?
I’m going to go ahead and venture a guess that that computer is about as useful to Rooney as his shrivelled up cock.
/haha… you’re picturing Andy Rooney’s cock.
Talk about a brain dump…he just spews forth any random half thought his cobweb laden brain comes up with. Do you think he’s reading off cue cards, or just winging it?
“Christmas is always good.”
Unless your dad dies in the chimney dressed a Santa.
/Gremlin’d
His last name is Rooney. Did you expect him to not be a complete drunk?
I, too, would like to see Andy Rooney’s “An Onion on My Belt” made into a full-hour show.
Everyone loves birthdays. My birthday is in January. January is very cold. Every other year January and August should trade places so that people born in January can wear shorts on their birthdays. Shorts are like pants, but with less fabric around the legs. Why don’t they call pants “longs” and call shorts “pants?” Language is arbitrary. I once made love to a 12 year old.
Great Grandpa’s been drinking syrup again.