03.04.09 TOP FIVE MEGAN FOX TELEVISION ROLES

She’s so versatile!  It’s like watching a chameleon!

In Arthur C. Clarke’s sci-fi classic Childhood’s End, the mysterious alien Overlords are revealed to look exactly like our image of the Devil — demonic bipeds with horns and wings.  Clarke explained it as a kind of cosmic echo through the ages, a prescient memory formed in the earliest humans that represented the harbinger of our species’ end.

Similarly, the word “fox” was used to describe an attractive person generations before Megan Fox was even born. Think about it: her hotness has impacted us so profoundly that the term “fox” was placed into our forebears’ slang by the psychic waves our awe. Go ahead and try to prove me wrong.

Anyway, before she was photographed by paparazzi 18 hours a day, Fox was just a rising teen starlet trying to land TV roles.  And although lists are a simplistic crutch for people without expository writing skills, everyone on the Internet seems to like them, so here.  Here’s a damn list.  These are Megan Fox’s Top Five television roles, as determined by me using completely arbitrary criteria that I won’t divulge.  What are you gonna do?  Disagree?

5. “Ocean Ave” (Ione Starr)

Megan Fox, in a show filled with beautiful people who can’t act?  Hard to imagine, I know, but this Swedish-produced soap was so universally reviled that it has an almost non-existent Web presence — a shame, since Fox starred as “Ione Starr” in all 122 episodes. It’s also a blessing, as it’s probably better we not pore over images of Fox when she was 16. (Although I think this may include a few low-res clips of it.)

4. “What I like About You” (Shannon)

In a “shocking” twist during Season 2, Episode 5 of the Amanda Bynes vehicle, we learn that Henry isn’t a virgin.  ZOMG!  No way!  Who’d he do it with!?!?!?!   That would be Megan Fox’s Shannon.   As if delaying climax during your first time isn’t already hard enough.

3. “The Help” (Cassandra Ridgeway)

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This WB sitcom about a working-class family in service of a rich family didn’t even last a month and a half.  Fox played the humble, plain daughter of a maid.  Nah, just kidding — she was the hot, spoiled daughter.  Hooray!

2. “Two and a Half Men” (Prudence)

In Episode 12 of Season 1 (2004), an 18-year-old Fox played 16-year-old Prudence, the granddaughter of Berta (the straight-talkin’ fat broad).  Her role?  It was a stretch, but she was supposed to look hot.   Mission accomplished!

1. “Hope & Faith” (Sydney)

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After her co-starring turn in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (yes, Megan Fox and Lindsay Lohan filmed a movie together as 16-year-olds), Fox was cast in a supporting role as Sydney Shanowski, the eldest of Faith Ford’s three children (Kelly Ripa plays her irresponsible soap-actress aunt).  Wikipedia: “[Sydney] is portrayed as popular, vain, boy crazy, and kind of ditzy.”  And hot!  Don’t forget hot!

(with thanks to Watt-Up)