This is ordinarily the time of the day where I’m sifting through the TV listings to tell you the crap that’s on tonight, but that’s getting tabled for now because clips this outstanding can’t wait until tomorrow.   This is Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fla.), who stood on the House floor to discuss a proposed amendment, and ended up reading a long list of sexual acts and fetishes.

That list included such good times as asphyxiphilia, autogynophilia, apotemnophilia (but not acrotomophilia), corophilia (arousal from eating poop), incest, kleptomania (impulsively stealing genitals?), pedophilia, klismaphilia (erotic use of enemas), S&M, exhibitionism, necrophilia, transgenderism, toucherism — toucherism! — and zoophilia.  He also superbly rolls both the R’s in frotteurism.

I guess that’s a pretty good list… for Congress.  But this is the INTERNET, man.  We need more!  Hell, he didn’t even mention anything from Japan.  No dekapai, no bukkake, no hentai — I demand tentacle porn!  And would it kill him to include formicophilia?  Some of us happen to get off from ants crawling our genitals, you know.  Hey, don’t judge.

[DCist via HuffPo; your homework assignment is to read this]