notabovetheinfluenceBirthday Dog just wanted the cool kids to like him

“Parole for Good Behavior” just didn’t promise the same kind of ratings: Former “Prison Break” star Lane Garrison was released from prison after serving time for DUI manslaughter that killed a 17-year-old boy.  It’s so much more exciting when there’s a government conspiracy and someone’s younger brother gets the prison’s blueprint tattooed on his body. [E! online]

Sarah Palin still alive, doing things: The Alaska governor and recent Twitter star will appear on an episode of “American Chopper.”  She’ll be disappointed to learn that “chopper” doesn’t mean “flying platform for shooting wolves.”  [People]

When Llamas attack! Just your typical llama-attacks-man video.  TV producers, please note: I would watch half an hour of that every week.  WITH commercials. [College Humor]

You put your weed in there? Five stand-up acts all about weeds.  “And what’s the deal with these dandelions?”  Oh wait, five stand-up acts about marijuana.  Yeah, that makes more sense.  [Hail Mary Jane]

I hate you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t look at you naked: Heidi Montag is in talks with Playboy to do a nude spread, “with the encouragement of her new husband Spencer Pratt.”  Is it bad to vomit while you have an erection?  [Jam]

New favorite picture. “Hey, I’m just here to supervise.”  [flickr via Blog of Hilarity]