DON’T YOU HATE JEANS?
04.22.09Last week, George Will wrote what was likely the single most obnoxious column in the history of mainstream media, a high-minded screed against jeans. Since then, I’ve been waiting for someone — anyone — to talk about it on TV just so I could write about it here. Last night, Stephen Colbert stepped up. But really, the video is really just an excuse to run some of the text from Will’s column:
Denim is the infantile uniform of a nation in which entertainment frequently features childlike adults (“Seinfeld,” “Two and a Half Men”) and cartoons for adults (“King of the Hill”). Seventy-five percent of American “gamers” — people who play video games — are older than 18 and nevertheless are allowed to vote.
WHAT? People who play video games are allowed to vote? NO! We must strip them of suffrage! Like felons!
Denim is the clerical vestment for the priesthood of all believers in democracy’s catechism of leveling — thou shalt not dress better than society’s most slovenly… This is not complicated. For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don’t wear it. For women, substitute Grace Kelly.
So, can someone help me out here? Would Fred Astaire wear black rubber chaps and nipple clamps, or not? No? What if I add a top hat?

Needs some Dr. Johnny Fever.
I hear there was nothing Astaire loved more than a good tube top.
I think Jarts are cool. How is it my fault some kid got his eyes poked ou- Oh JORTS.
I would like to see Will put in a room with someone who thinks that jorts are cool. One can only imagine the conversation and points of debate.
Just shut the fuck up and bring me my popcorn, you douche.
Anyone who could write an entire book about what a genius Tony Larussa is can kiss my lily white ass.
But what if I wear an onion belt with my jeans, George?
Impeach Churchill!
So I should dress like a guy who’s been dead for 20 years?
It’s only fitting, given that George Will’s politics are based on a conservative movement that’s been dead for 20 years.
Nobody better tell Will about Reagan.
Meanwhile, Tucker Carlson dresses based on the maxim “Would someone on the street want to punch me in the face if I put this on? If not, don’t wear it.”
So I should dress like a guy who’s been dead for 20 years? Awesome, I gotta write this down.
So what other fabrics could Canadians use for their tuxedos?
I don’t necessarily disagree with treating gamers like felons though.
But my ass looks so big in Khaki
BOOOOO Jeans! YAY Assless Chaps!
This is how the GOP makes its big comeback. Ride the anti-jeans populism right back to the White House!!!
So video games are bad,but being flamboyantly gay is ok.
Got it. Thanks Will.
Well he’s right. I HATE JEANS. I take them off every chance I get. How ’bout right now?
WWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Oh hey boss!