Some people claim that the weekend’s biggest season finale was “Friday Night Lights,” to which I say: No F’n Way.  “Rock of Love Bus,” bitch.  Bret Michaels was faced with a harrowing decision: should he choose to nail sexy girl-next-door Mindy or Penthouse Pet Taya?  You can find out by watching the entire final episode here, but I’ll give away one little spoiler: someone’s going to the VD clinic.

The landscape of reality TV will be sadder without the presence of Bret Michaels.  Here’s an actual line he says in the clip above: “If you two are going to have a catfight, I’ve brought a lot of butter, and I’d like you to rub it on your breasts.”  He delivers tongue-and-cheek-but-actually-kinda-serious lines like this every time he appears onscreen, and my life is richer for it.  Like, in one scene he’ll talk about how important it is for him to make a deep emotional connection, then the next scene he explains to the girls that this is a very serious bikini tequila party.