04.27.09 ‘LOST’ GUY SUED FOR UNWANTED MOTORBOATING

my penis is your constant, brotha.

He knew that was going to happen in the future brotha

brbrbrbr brotha.

Yeah, like this guy would have to sexually harrass anyone.

It’s okay, I’m handsome.

Maybe he was drunk and therefore should automatically be forgiven?

Having been the victim of a sexual assault in the past, far be it from me to ever use the “she was asking for it” justification, but riddle me this, how does one pull off an unwanted motorboat? Was it a team effort with someone behind her holding her in place? Having lived in Italy – one of the most sexually aggressive countries in the world – I’m sadly accustomed to skeezy douchebags thinking they can touch when they can’t, thus, let me assure you that the douche charged in this incident would’ve heard some Italian expletives and received a hearty punch in the throat before his face got anywhere near my beautiful décolletage. Why the hell would she just stand there and take it?

In his defense, he was just trying to get back into her hatch.

I thought attractive people had a different set of rules from you normal people. Is this not the case?

About the motorboating. Exactly…did she just let him repeatedly fall between her boobs? I mean seriously?

What he should’ve done is when she stopped him, he could look surprised and then say “Wait…you’re not Penny! Where am I?”. I do it ALL the time and it works.

/written from prison

“In his defense, he was just trying to get back into her hatch.”

So. Much. Win.

Warming Glow now needs a Comments of the Week section.