Today Comedy Central announced that 75-year-old Joan Rivers will be honored at its next roast, proving that it could pull any name from a hat and still be a vast improvement over Larry the Cable Guy.
The event will tape July 26 in Los Angeles and air at 10 p.m. Aug. 9 on the channel.
Rivers got in the spirit of the announcement. “I’m thrilled to be doing this for Comedy Central,” she said in a release. “The last time I was Roasted, I was half of a two-for-one special: Joan of Arc and me.”
And if you liked that joke, tune in to the roast for 800 more exactly like it. But seriously folks, who does Joan’s plastic surgery? My niece makes more realistic faces with Play-Doh. The only guy who would still jerk off to her is Gumby. Zing burn et cetera.


I use that banner pic to delay sexual release.
I can’t wait for all the “dried up vagina” jokes.
Where can I buy a Joan Rivers mask like the one she’s wearing?
I wouldn’t fuck her with Matt’s dick.
What’s wrong, you look surprised.
Let’s see roasting Joan Rivers…check. Larry the Cable Guy…check. Foisting Carlos Mencia/Sarah Slverman on the world…check. The odds that the “Comedy” in Comedy Central means funny? Seems like zero.
Here’s hoping that a team of Chechen terrorists takes over the theater and, after a three-day stand-off, sets the building on fire and turns it into a proper roast.
I don’t think Joan looks half bad for 75. In fact, I’d say she looks all bad!
Hey-oh!
I’m not Gumby, damn it.