mel-kiper

Wife Swap (ABC) — Oh no!  This week they’re putting a vegan mom with a meat-loving family!  They’re totally opposite!  ABC, you mad geniuses, you’ve done it again.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC) — Neil Patrick Harris and Emily Deschanel are the guests.  I have a guilty admission: I watched a few minutes of “Late Night” recently, and Fallon seemed a lot more relaxed and at ease working off the cuff.  I even laughed a couple times.  I mean, I was drunk, but still.

Wild Weddings (TLC) — The perfect show for lonely people by themselves on a Friday night.

Dog Whisperer (Nat Geo) — One of my roommates DVRs this, and there are always 800 f-cking episodes in the show list.  Bothers me to no end.

NBA Playoffs (ESPN/ESPN2) — Several games on tonight, including Game 3 of Pistons-Cavaliers.  Enjoy this while it lasts, people.  The NBA postseason only lasts another six weeks.

SATURDAY: Major League Baseball (FOX) — Your other network TV sports choices: NASCAR on ABC or golf on CBS.

NFL Draft (ESPN) –  Dull?  Often.  Tedious?  Absolutely.  A good time if you’re with friends and getting drunk?  Now you’re on the trolley.

Cops (FOX) — Really, it was the reality show to prominently feature white trash.  Until “Rock of Love” cornered the market.

Saturday Night Live (NBC) — It’s a repeat, the one where Dwayne Johnson hosts.  Not a bad episode, but don’t go canceling your weekend plans to watch this one.

Meth Nation (Discovery) — The First Lady of Meth Nation?  Your mom.

SUNDAY: The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency (HBO) — Still haven’t gotten around to watching this, probably because no one’s telling me that I’m missing out by not watching it.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) — This week’s family lost a daughter to domestic violence and a son to a drunk driver.  Cheerful.  Oh, and they vacation in Disneyland while their house gets rebuilt.  Subtle, ABC/Disney.  Real subtle.

American Dad (Fox) — AKA “Seth MacFarlane’s ‘Futurama,’ only without the devoted cult following.”

The Tudors (Showtime) — They should add lots of fart sounds to the show and call it “The Tooters.”

100 Feet (Sci Fi) — This stars Famke Janssen, Bobby Cannavale, and Ed Westwick — three people with seemingly decent careers — and yet it’s a movie debuting on Sci Fi before DVD release on Tuesday. “A woman is put under house arrest for killing her abusive husband in self-defense. While confined to a 100′ perimeter in her house, she discovers that the house is haunted by the ghost of her dead husband.”  Sounds craptastic.  (source)