zombie-stripper-dance“Two for one, handsome?”

FRIDAY: Prison Break (Fox) — Michael and Sarah hitchhike to Miami.  Really?  People still pick up hitchhikers?  Does this show happen in the 1950s or something?

SpongeBob Square Pants (Nickelodeon) — Tonight’s the night that Johnny Depp guest stars as a surf guru.  Can women masturbate to a cartoon of Johnny Depp?  I say yes.

Party Down (Starz) — I’ve heard that this is good, but I have no idea where Starz might be on my cable box.  Like, I probably get that channel, I’ve just never been there before.

The Soup (E!) — This gets a mention because it’s an especially crappy night of television, even by Friday’s standards.

Boxing (Showtime) — Featherweights Yuriorkis Gamboa (14-0, 12 KOs) versus Jose Rojas (25-6-1, 17 KOs).  I’m not even a boxing fan, but I absolutely LOVE watching Gamboa fight.

SATURDAY: The Lord of the Rings (TNT) — Got an extra ten hours?  You can watch the entire trilogy all at once.  So much better than going outside on a bright spring day.

NBA Playoffs (ABC) — Pistons at LeBrons, Game 1.  Wow, the NBA regular season is actually over.  It seems like it started just a mere six months ago.

Kings (NBC) — The walking dead drama tries out its new place of exile on Saturday night.  It’s like a tree falling in a forest, and nobody hears it because it’s Saturday night.

World’s Strictest Parents (CMT) — New reality show about unruly teens who are sent to live with strict parents.  Oh, so someone steps up where the real parents have failed.  Cool.

UFC 97: Redemption (Pay-Per-View) — Anderson Silva, who has defended his title more times than anyone in UFC middleweight history, looks to do it again against Thales Leites, winner of five in a row.  UFC debut of note: U.S. Marine Corps officer Brian Stann.  Semper Fi, warrior.  Kick some ass.

Saturday Night Live (NBC) — “The Best of Amy Poehler.”  I agree, she was good.  But “best of” good?  Seems like it’s driven more by NBC’s investment in “Parks and Recreation.”  Or am I just being cynical again?

SUNDAY:

zombie-strippers

Zombie Strippers (Spike) — Surprisingly, this didn’t get much of a theatrical release, so it instead makes a TV-MA debut on Spike at 10 p.m.  Longtime FilmDrunk readers are likely to remember watching the trailer (red band version here).

NBA Playoffs (ABC) — Jazz at Lakers, Game 1.  You know, Jeff Hornacek, John Stockton, and Karl Malone have all been retired for several years, and I STILL hate that f-cking team.  I blame Utah.

Stanley Cup Playoffs (NBC) –  Game 3: Penguins at Flyers.  The Penguins have Sydney Crosby, right?  Psssh, that’s a girl’s name.  No chance he’s any good.

The 5th Element (TNT) — Underrated sci-fi excellence.  Really sexy women really are the most powerful weapons in the world.

Rock of Love Bus (VH1) — REUNION!!!!1!!!  Oh, thank God!  I thought it was all over!

Sit Down, Shut Up (Fox)  — This is the premiere of Fox’s newest animated show, previously discussed here.  Placed generously between “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy,” it looks like this has a chance to succeed.  And given the talent involved, it looks like it might be kinda good.  I’ll give it a chance.