WTF IS ANDY ROONEY TALKING ABOUT?
04.20.09Oh boy. Someone over at “60 Minutes” let Andy Rooney talk about taxes, and you’ll be shocked to learn that he doesn’t like paying them. Thanks, Andy! Voice of the people, that guy.
Rooney also thinks that individuals’ tax records should be public, which would make people proud of how much they paid, and also make the IRS look patriotic, and when he was a boy, you paid your taxes at the apple cart. America needs more apple carts these days, not those ice cream trucks. Driving an ice cream truck seems like a nice job, but I wouldn’t like to hear the same song all day. If you wrote that song they play on the ice cream truck, you’d have a fortune, but also owe a lot in taxes. You ever see a cloud that just looks delicious?
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@La Schmoove:
Well?! Don’t leave me hanging!
My grandpa makes more sense than this guy and he’s been dead for about 2 years. I can’t believe 60 minutes hasn’t put him down yet.
We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere – like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.
Now where were we? Oh yeah – the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…
“And you know what else I hate? The living.”
I HAVE seen a cloud that looks delicious. My favorite apples are golden delicious. I buy them from an apple cart.
And we have come full circle.
That last paragraph was actually more coherent than anything Rooney has ever done.