30rock-tracy-morgan

Today in “blog posts that I would never spend that much time on,” Aaron at Unlikely Words re-watched every episode from Season 3 of “30 Rock” in order to compile all of Tracy Morgan’s lines.  And they’re just as deliciously insane out of context as they are on the show.  Probably because most of his lines are nonsensical non sequiturs only obliquely related to the plot.  A sampling:

“Frank, for all your hard work, please accept this set of solid gold nunchuks.”
“You’re going to sue me? Who do you think you are, the San Diego zoo?”
“I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.”
“If it weren’t for your people I’d still be in Africa. Gorgeous, politically stable Africa.”
“What’s wrong, Ken? You got wife eyes!”

Awesome, right?  And those are only from the first three episodes.  More of that goodness after the jump — or, as I’m calling it in this post, “the expandosphere.”

“Is there nothing sacred? Have we lost our moral center? It just makes me want to pee on someone.”
“I hate to see you like this, Ken Doll. It’s like an owl without a graduation cap. Heartbreaking!”
“Court? At night? I’m already laughing. Tell me more.”
“How come there ain’t no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? They got every race and lifeform in the galaxy, except for Puerto Ricans. What’s up with that?”
“Well, if all you want is a hug from a black person, maybe you should just host the Price is Right.”
“There he is. I owe you, Jackie D. When I’m on my deathbed frenching my wife, I will think of you.”
“They do that a lot in movies. An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack.”
“There’s no link between diabetes and diet. That’s a white myth, Ken. Like Larry Bird or Colorado.”
“You shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition at. But yeah, I’m in.”
“Ken, these interns are wearing me out. It’s like I said in my non-hit comedy ‘Cruise Boat,’ I’m getting too old for this ship.”
“Larry, what everyone needs to do is just take a deep breath, calm down, and start preparing their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law.”
“I’m saying the Disneyfication of New York is over, everyone. At the stroke of midnight, your Lexus is going to turn back into a hot pile of rats fighting over a human finger.”
“I wished for you to get better. I was gonna to wish for breakfast in bed with Robocop while an elephant paints us.”
“This is better than a family. No one around here asks me for my damn bone marrow.”
“OK. Sorry it took me so long to answer. I was just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds.”
“I will be brief. I have decided to fulfill my dream of going into space. If you have a spaceship and are looking for a hilarious astronaut with an irregular heartbeat and thirty million dollars, I am prepared to leave as soon as tomorrow. I wrote that yesterday. I will not be taking questions.”
“Hmmm, usually this is the point in my process where Liz Lemon steps in and takes care of everything. Heavy is the head that eats the crayons. Gonna take a nap, see you in 10 hours.”
“You are wise, Liz Lemon, like a genetically manipulated shark.”
“The partying is just for show, and because I’m a high-functioning alcoholic.”
“Come on in, Jack, I’m just practicing sitting.”
“I feel like you’re not telling me something, Jack. Let me guess. You bought a sidecar for your motorcycle and your dog won’t stay in it.”
“My love child tracked me down. I was shocked, scared, angry. Like a dog in a sidecar when it comes loose from the motorcycle. But it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me.”
“Liz Lemon, I might hug people too hard and get lost in malls. But I’m not an idiot.”
“Uh uh. I’ve changed, Ken, into a badass adult. I have a wolfdog, and I have two bad knees and I have a gun. That I lost!”

Phew!  I’m exhausted from all that copying and pasting!  Again, if that’s not enough and you want even the expository dialogue, check out the full thing at Unlikely Words.