Here’s the extended preview for next fall’s reanimated corpse of “Melrose Place” on the CW.  Won’t you join me as I make fart noises with my mouth and armpit at the same time?

It’s not merely that it’s a remake, or that Ashlee Simpson is in the cast, or that the characters’ names are stupid, or that actors from the original are shoehorned into the cast.  It’s that it doesn’t even succeed at being provocatively trashy.  I watched this and was bored out of my mind.  Everyone is blandly attractive, and no one is interesting.  Just like the real L.A.  And just to make it clear that that’s a bad thing, here are some other things that represent the real L.A.: “The Hills,” “Entourage,” and sitting in traffic.