SHOCKING NEWS YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE
06.23.09
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Devastating, shocking, unexpected news on Jon & Kate Plus 8 last night: Jon and Kate Gosselin have filed for divorce after ten years of marriage. Please, everyone: try to contain your grief. Your tears can’t heal this rift.
Fans who have watched the couple’s popular TLC show – or read the voluminous coverage of the Gosselin marriage in the press – will hardly be surprised: The duo had long maintained a tense relationship, with Jon recently telling PEOPLE he wanted a less high-profile life, while Kate appeared to remain committed to their TV career. [People]
Obviously, divorce — no matter how much it may be a necessity for the parties involved — is a sad event when children are involved. The important thing to remember for the kids — if you little Gosselins are reading this — is that Mommy and Daddy would have stayed in love if the sextuplets had never been born. KIDDING. Just kidding, you adorable matching children. The real truth is that your mother is a monster.
Below, Conan O’Brien’s awesome take on the Gosselins from last night’s “Tonight Show.”
(p.s. Andy Richter and Max Weinberg are better than any other late-night second fiddles/band leaders. Period.)
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Jon & Kate + 8 – 1
The man just died … he isn’t in a grave yet. He’d be spinning on a table or in a fridge.
Actually, at this early stage, it’s far more likely that he is spinning in the morgue.
Meh, you know what I was going for. The dude is revolving somewhere.
Jon + Kate + 8…divided by two? I never thought story problems from math class would become tv shows.
The first time I saw the show I was confused since Jon was Asian.
“30 seconds into death and Ed McMahon is spinning in his grave.”
Actually, at this early stage, it’s far more likely that he is spinning in the morgue. Also, “Spinning in the Morgue” would be a great name for a screwball zombie-comedy about a the newly dead coming back to life after being offended by spinning fast enough to re-institute blood flow.
“30 seconds into death and Ed McMahon is spinning in his grave.”
The man just died … he isn’t in a grave yet. He’d be spinning on a table or in a fridge.
(It can’t be too soon. It won’t make sense in a few days.)
So I heard they will be alternating custody by taking turns staying in the marital home with the kids…at least fans will be able to continue watching “Jon or Kate Plus Eight.”
@ILPHAPH, that’s exactly what I meant.
/would also join the Kate hate fuck fest
@UU – you mean you learned everything you needed to know about LIFE, you learned by watching The Soup, right?
I’m with Enrico. I’d hammer her so hard she’d have 12 kids.
Jon & Kate divorce. Brought to you buy Crooked Houses. Jez, talk about the wrong time to hock your product.
If two ego maniacal breeding monsters can’t make it in this world – what chance do we have?
Andy Richter and Max Weinberg are better than any other late-night second fiddles/band leaders. Period.
Two words…Hank Kingsley.
Hey Now!
I learned everything I needed to know about this show by watching The Soup on E!
“Fans who have watched the couple’s popular TLC show…”
You say “fans” I say “sorry middle america tgifriday’s-eating bible-fuckers”…ah well, tomato/tomatoe.
Andy Richter and Max Weinberg are better than any other late-night second fiddles/band leaders. Period.
30 seconds into death and Ed McMahon is spinning in his grave.*
*I also wholeheartedly agree
I stand by my earlier statement: “I blame Kate’s haircut for the divorce, that and the fact she is a cunt.”
Max Weinberg is probably my favorite Jew ever. And I would still hate-fuck Kate.