06.29.09 TED DANSON RULES
Here’s a “Cheers”-era Ted Danson reading a bunch of cheesy lines that men say to women in order to get laid. And he has a whole a book of them! Man, I want that book. I need that book. Girls just aren’t responding to me when I tell them they have great hips for breeding. They just walk away, and I yell “great hips for breeding CATTLE!” and moo at them. Then I lick my finger and make a SSSSS sound to let them know that they got burned. Then I’m like, “High-five? Anyone? Whatever, this library sucks anyway.”

I don’t care how old she is, I would still tear up the insides of Mary Steenburgen…because I’m an amateur taxadermist, you see.