WE ELECTED A NINJA PRESIDENT
06.18.09Drew Magary just wrote a Penthouse column on the “badass ideal” in which he posited that no matter how much we all aspire to being a badass, the real world never allows us to reach such a rarefied status.
Counterpoint: Barack Obama stopped an interview with CNBC because a fly was buzzing around his head, stalked the fly with his eyes, then Miyagi’d it with lightning-fast reflexes. Now, granted, I’ve swatted plenty of flies with my bare hands, and no one’s ever elected me president. It’s not like he caught an assassin’s bullet in his teeth. So I wasn’t all that impressed at first.
Then I realized: Obama’s left-handed. He swatted that fly with his weak hand. THAT’S what makes this video awesome to me. My left hand is a partially formed claw that I use to hit the caps lock key and occasionally assist my right hand when I need to push something heavy. You’ll see if you ever meet me, I’m the guy with a T-Rex forelimb for a left arm. I sure as hell can’t swat flies with it.
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Does Joel need to be reminded who “ruin”‘ed this country? Or reminded how long his nemesis has been in office? Or the condition that the house was in when the Idiot moved out?
Let’s see, the ass kissing of all the terrorists of the world. The quick movement towards socialism and bigger and bigger government. The enormous spending that we can’t afford to pay for. Would you like me to go on, or are the three things that are going to ruin this country enough for you? Take your head out of your ass fellas.
Not sure where this joke came from, but I though it needed to be shared.
A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”
“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost.. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”
The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going.. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”
Hee, hee. You conservatives are so cute. Its like you STILL THINK you have any fucking idea what you’re talking about. Aww…
Ok Joel, wish granted. Describe how he’s ruining the country.
McCain would have had hallucinations of the fly screaming at him in Vietnamese.
Hey, lets talk about this instead of how this clown is ruining the country. Awesome
Wow, PETA makes Obama look reasonable. Is there nothing they can’t do?
Vodka, I always go with the strong hand, the weak one just doesn’t give me the same experience as your mom’s hand jobs.
I can’t wait until the meme where the fly is Glenn Beck’s face.
swats a 0.000000001 lb fly with his weak hand is another term for Michael Bolton masturbating.
Bas Rutten couldn’t do this.
My left hand is a partially formed claw
From practicing The Stranger, I assume?
David Carradine’s right hand was busy with other things.
Ninja please.
when I need to push something heavy
Punter’s mother?
I doubt McCain would have done that.
Sure everyone praises Obama for this, but when I show kids my proficiency at whacking it lefty, I’m rewarded by being labeled a “sex offender” for life.
What a country.
Damn Matt, you seem a little sensitive. It’s not my fault you declared a guy who swatted a fly a badass.
In related news, PETA has organized a rally outside the White House today to protest the death of fly.
Sarah Palin, asked to comment while shooting moose from a helicopter with a sniper rifle, said “Killing just…feels right. Except for abortions. Well, unless the baby is attacking the hunter.”
And of course those self-righteous fucks at peta have the predictable reaction:
http://www.star-telegram.com/238/story/1440096.html
I can’t wait until it’s legal to eat vegans.
Wow, a 180 lb man swats a 0.000000001 lb fly with his weak hand and you think that makes him a badass? What would Aron Ralston say?
Yes, because I based that assessment solely on size.
Aron Ralston would probably say, “I wish I had a right hand to swat flies with.”
Snatch this pea from my hand…
Well I’d vote for you Warming Glow guy.
Wow, a 180 lb man swats a 0.000000001 lb fly with his weak hand and you think that makes him a badass? What would Aron Ralston say?
Meanwhile George Bush choked on a fly while napping.
The Fly survived.