06.18.09 WE ELECTED A NINJA PRESIDENT

Meanwhile George Bush choked on a fly while napping.
The Fly survived.

Wow, a 180 lb man swats a 0.000000001 lb fly with his weak hand and you think that makes him a badass? What would Aron Ralston say?

Well I’d vote for you Warming Glow guy.

Snatch this pea from my hand…

Wow, a 180 lb man swats a 0.000000001 lb fly with his weak hand and you think that makes him a badass? What would Aron Ralston say?

Yes, because I based that assessment solely on size.

Aron Ralston would probably say, “I wish I had a right hand to swat flies with.”

And of course those self-righteous fucks at peta have the predictable reaction:
http://www.star-telegram.com/238/story/1440096.html
I can’t wait until it’s legal to eat vegans.

In related news, PETA has organized a rally outside the White House today to protest the death of fly.

Sarah Palin, asked to comment while shooting moose from a helicopter with a sniper rifle, said “Killing just…feels right. Except for abortions. Well, unless the baby is attacking the hunter.”

Damn Matt, you seem a little sensitive. It’s not my fault you declared a guy who swatted a fly a badass.

Sure everyone praises Obama for this, but when I show kids my proficiency at whacking it lefty, I’m rewarded by being labeled a “sex offender” for life.

What a country.

I doubt McCain would have done that.

when I need to push something heavy

Punter’s mother?

Ninja please.

David Carradine’s right hand was busy with other things.

My left hand is a partially formed claw

From practicing The Stranger, I assume?

Bas Rutten couldn’t do this.

swats a 0.000000001 lb fly with his weak hand is another term for Michael Bolton masturbating.

I can’t wait until the meme where the fly is Glenn Beck’s face.

Vodka, I always go with the strong hand, the weak one just doesn’t give me the same experience as your mom’s hand jobs.

Wow, PETA makes Obama look reasonable. Is there nothing they can’t do?

Hey, lets talk about this instead of how this clown is ruining the country. Awesome

McCain would have had hallucinations of the fly screaming at him in Vietnamese.

Ok Joel, wish granted. Describe how he’s ruining the country.

Hee, hee. You conservatives are so cute. Its like you STILL THINK you have any fucking idea what you’re talking about. Aww…

Let’s see, the ass kissing of all the terrorists of the world. The quick movement towards socialism and bigger and bigger government. The enormous spending that we can’t afford to pay for. Would you like me to go on, or are the three things that are going to ruin this country enough for you? Take your head out of your ass fellas.

Not sure where this joke came from, but I though it needed to be shared.

A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost.. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going.. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

Does Joel need to be reminded who “ruin”‘ed this country? Or reminded how long his nemesis has been in office? Or the condition that the house was in when the Idiot moved out?