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HawthoRNe (TNT) — Ooh, good thing there’s an “RN” in her last name, or I never would have figured out what her profession is.  This nurse drama beginning one week after the debut of “Nurse Jackie” is, according to the trusted Alan Sepinwall, just like Nurse Jackie, except “‘Nurse Jackie’ is funnier, more touching and all-around better in just about every way.”  Which is why I took the liberty of adding an extra Jada Pinkett Smith and a CGI hippo to the cast.  Get ready for hijinks!

Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern (Travel) — In the season finale, Zimmern must survive 48 hours in the Mexican jungle sustaining himself only on what he can forage.  I sure hope he can find some testicles!  (Psst, dude, you can survive two days without eating anything at all.)

The First 48 (A&E) — A documentary series about how homicides basically don’t get solved unless detectives get decent clues in the first 48 hours, with “unprecedented access to crime scenes, forensics labs, and even interrogation rooms. On the season premiere, Sgt. Johnny Herrera investigates the death of a man In Miami, who was found dead on a residential sidewalk after celebrating his 46th birthday. After a gaggle of false leads, the homicide team makes a public plea and gets a shocking lead, which sends them on a hunt to catch a potential killer on the run all the way to New York.” [Yahoo]  Sounds pretty cool, actually.

I’m a Celebrity… Jam a Taser in My Ass! (NBC) — Yeah, it’s still not safe to watch NBC before Conan comes on.  Don’t worry, I’ll let let you know.

Cupid (ABC) — I watched the pilot of this a couple months ago, thought it was pretty decent (for what it was), then never watched it again.  I must not be alone in that regard: tonight is the series finale.