WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: SEASON PREMIERES!
06.08.09
Weeds (Showtime) — Season 5 begins tonight. I saw some reviews that said the show’s become kind of a drag and has left its comedic roots to be more of a drama. And then I tracked down those reviewers and punched them in the groin until they revised their columns to read “…but Mary-Louise Parker is crazy hot.”
Nurse Jackie (Showtime) — Series premiere. I haven’t written anything about this one about a gritty New York City nurse yet, but I’m sure “Sopranos” fans are happy to have Edie Falco back on premium cable. You pay extra for boobs and bad words.
Beyond the Break (The N) — Kim Kardashian guest-stars in this show about four girls in Hawaii training to become pro surfers. The reality show star/celebutante plays a girl with a big ass who can’t surf.
The Closer (TNT) — Like “Weeds,” Kyra Sedgwick’s starring vehicle is having its Season 5 premiere. Wow, five seasons. It seems like only last year that I first got sick of TNT promoting it during the NBA playoffs.
Raising the Bar (TNT) — Mark-Paul Gosselaar is in a show. In the Season 2 opener, he gets a haircut. Next week: a harrowing tale at the dry cleaner’s!
Intervention (A&E) — Expect to be grossed out — tonight’s new episode is about an anorexic girl. Yikes. Anorexia has to be the stupidest disease ever. Ladies, if you have a body image problem, don’t starve yourselves. Get a boob job and a gym membership.
Holiday Hostage Hell (Travel) — “The story of three cyclists who were captured by members of Al Qaeda while riding through Iran.” Their first mistake? RIDING THEIR BICYCLES THROUGH IRAN.
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Enrico, I think you should just wait until the opportunity presents itself, then decide.
@ Tim — Just hit me up on the gmail tip. “mattufford” is all ya need.
@CrabApple: In RE banging MLP, it’s entirely possible that you’re right. And I’d be more than willing to take one for the team and report back…
I only watched about 5 episodes of Weeds last season and I didnt like it at all.
Taking them out of that suburb kind of killed it for me. You lose alot of the character interaction that made the show funny because now the characters are all over the damn country instead of being neighbors.
Maybe it got better, but to me it just wast the same. And does anyone else think banging Mary would be like banging a nice warm glass of milk that had a vagina?
@Zack — there’s some crossover potential.
@Kid Presentable: at first glance I thought your comment read “dies from an attack by Manga Octopus,” which coincidentally enough would also be an acceptable method of KK’s demise.
Kim Kardashian guest-stars in this show about four girls in Hawaii training to become pro surfers.
The only chance I would ever watch this is if she somehow dies from an attack by Mega Shark or Giant Octopus. Or both. (Sigh) A man can dream.
I am continually flabbergasted that Mary-Louise Parker is in her mid-40′s. Bitch could pass for someone 15 years younger.
I’m still trying to determine if I would bang Kyra Sedgwick.
Actually, Iran is one of the safest places I’ve ever been too. Everyone there was incredibly friendly. I got treated better than most of their citizens.
Matt:
What’s the warmingglow email address for tips?
Wait, is Beyond the Break a reality show, or is it fictional? For that matter, I’ve never heard of a network called “The N” – is that fictional too?
The reason I bring it up is that a black female surfer seems like it must be an imaginary creature on par with a leprechaun or a gargoyle. I’ve never seen a single one in my entire life – and I lived and surfed in South Africa for three years.
The Nurse Jackie premiere popped up online last week. It’s actually pretty solid albeit with a lack of breasts.
I refuse to believe that Raising The Bar is a real show title.
I’m going to bust out the tripod and make the season premiere of “Abbott’s Nub’s Wife is Drunk Agan Vol. VII”.