Wipeout (ABC) — If I had any notion of what’s newsworthy, I’d be leading with the premiere of “The Real World” or “The Philanthropist.” Instead, here’s a picture of Jill Wagner from “Wipeout” (click for bigger). I’m shallow!
The Philanthropist (NBC) — This eight-episode summer series is about a super-rich guy who goes to Africa and does nice things for poor people. Word on the street: eh.
The Real World: Cancun (MTV) — At last, the 22nd season finally begins. If you must watch, please put condoms over your eyes. You can never be too safe these days.
I Survived a Japanese Game Show (ABC) — I’d rather see a show about World War II vets called “I Survived a Japanese Machine Gun Emplacement.”
Monsters Inside Me (Animal Planet) — Series premiere takes a closer look at dangerous parasites. The monsters inside me tell me to strangle hobos.
Extreme Wild Parties (Travel) — Not featured: me having a fourth glass of bourbon while I check my email at 11:00 p.m.
Tattoo Highway (A&E) — Yup, nothin’ speaks to the grandeur of the American frontier like gettin’ a tattoo on the open road. It’s Kerouac for a new generation.
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Thank God that Philanthropist guy goes to Africa to help. I mean there are no poor people right here in America after all.
“Not featured: me having a fourth glass of bourbon while I check my email at 11:00 AM”
Fixed
Also, Zack’s routine lacked Josh Hartnett’s pizazz.
they also didn’t like it when I made jokes about how my routine was “bombing.”
Wait, I can phrase that better…
They also weren’t impressed when I asked what the difference was between my routine and Pearl Harbor (A: you guys were well-prepared for this bombing).
I’d rather see a show about World War II vets called “I Survived a Japanese Machine Gun Emplacement.”
You’d better be a former marine if you’re gonna tell this joke.
/learned the hard way during open mike night at the American Legion.
//they also didn’t like it when I made jokes about how my routine was “bombing.”
Hold on Africa, Rich whitey will save you!
There’s a chin that rivals Reese Witherspoons.
She looks odd in that picture, but damn does she look good on that show.
Not necessarily the best of what’s on — I just choose random stuff, focusing mainly on what has new episodes.
Is that really the best of what’s on TV tonight?
Are there monkeys running networks and stations?