DIE.
07.07.09Probably the most annoying aspect of reality television is the way it encourages regular human beings to cast aside any tact and be melodramatic jackass divas. And at no time is this more acutely obvious than when someone inevitably says, “I’m not here to make friends.” Jesus. Anyone who says that on TV, ever, without the slightest hint of sarcasm, needs to be pistol-whipped in the teeth and pushed into traffic. Ideally from a moving car. Into the path of a bus.
Which brings us to the above video: nearly four minutes of reality contestants saying “I’m not here to make friends.” And get this: this is only from the last year. It’s true. There was one for 2008, too. These clips are a microcosm for everything that’s wrong with reality shows. We need to hear fewer people saying “I’m not here to make friends” and see more people getting pushed into punjee traps for saying “I’m not here to make friends.” Hell, I’d even settle for “I’m here to win; however, in the interest of basic human decency, I’d like to maintain a polite veneer toward my fellow competitors.” But I’d prefer the punjee sticks.
[Rich FourFour via Videogum]

I’m here to make friends.
“Hell, I’d even settle for “I’m here to win; however, in the interest of basic human decency, I’d like to maintain a polite veneer toward my fellow competitors.” But I’d prefer the punjee sticks.” This, and:
“I have to be offline for a little while I get ready to pop out of the casket at Michael Jackson’s memorial service (spoiler alert!)”
Oh man, those are some funny things to say. Made me laugh.
I see your “I’m not here to make friends” and raise you a “Y’all don’t know me!”
Whateva! Whateva! I do what I want!
Honestly, the shit on a stick is an incredibly ironic way for them to die.
Go fuck yourself, Ufford.
/I don’t comment on blogs to make friends…FO’ REALZ!!!
“regular human beings’
I’m going to go ahead and disagree with you on this one.
Marry me!
eeds to be pistol-whipped in the teeth and pushed into traffic. Ideally from a moving car. Into the path of a bus…
…headed to PITTSBURGH!!
/makes creepy ghost sounds
“Hell, I’d even settle for ‘I’m here to win; however, in the interest of basic human decency, I’d like to maintain a polite veneer toward my fellow competitors.’”
Response to that statement from every reality-show contestant ever: “Look, I don’t care WHAT kind of coating you put on your teeth. Because I am NOT here to make friends.”