I LOVE YOU, MARY-LOUISE PARKER
07.09.09
Must… resist… “hair pie” joke
“Weeds” star Mary-Louise Parker is featured in the August issue of Esquire, and man oh man I have never been this hot for a woman in her 40s before. She’s just great in every way: a really good actress, smart, a good writer, scorchingly hot, and eager to get naked. Consider this: Billy Crudup left her while she was pregnant to go shack up with Claire Danes’s fug ass. That’s insane. I’d push Claire Danes into traffic just to get a better look at Mary-Louise.
After the jump, I’ve got the full text of the Esquire article (which includes a thank you note to me written by MLP, plus… a recipe for pie? WTF Esquire?) and also a video of Mary-Louise in her underwear reading from Alice in Wonderland. At the end she takes a drink of milk and says, “Good night, little man” like she’s my hot babysitter, and there’s a little bit of a weird awkward pause where there’s all this sexual tension between me and the video player. I really think there’s something special between us.
(Careful with these last two thumbnails — there’s nipple. I guess Esquire shows that now. Sweet! Pics via WWTDD)
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![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/Mary-Louise-Parker-mary-louise-parker-169376_1280_800-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/the-xfiles-the-x-files-4208986-1024-768-150x150.jpg)
She’s dirty and she knows it! “If your good, you get desert” with a photo of a cherry – translate – How would you like to suck on my big nipples! Well Miss Parker, if I’m good, do I get to suck your nipples?
I’m watching a TiVo’d episode of Weeds right now, and Alanis Morissette is giving MLP a gynecological exam. Now, I’m 100% certain no actual nudity was involved, but still….Alanis does not appear grateful enough to be viewing that fish-flavored creme brulee.
I just made a cream pie.
+1000 Burnsy
/Wonders how to get through whole day with hard-on
I don’t remember MLP being this hot 10 years ago; it’s almost like her hotness is in reverse. Shit, by the time she’s 60 she’ll have a pair of 36DDs.
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHH!! SHE’S SO FUCKING HOT!!!!
//rips off pants. begins to masturbate violently while screaming.
I’d like to stick a finger in that pie, to check if it’s warm and moist.
@Vodka
Yeah, I remember Jason Biggs. I’m old school like that.
//zips up Starter jacket, inflates Reebok pumps and Bartman’s off into the sunset.
Shit, I’d give Billy Crudup a handjob just knowing his dick had been inside of her. But not Claire Danes because, you know, ick.
My penis is very confused by her. Typically, the only things he likes that are over 40 years old are Playboys from the 1960s.
I would fuck Kevin Nealon just to get a glimpse of MLP masturbating.
I can’t believe someone remembered Jason Biggs’ name.
Even the pie recipe is sexy
Diane Lane and a kiddie pool filled with pudding think MLP is all bark and no bite.
*crosses fingers and toes*
She’s my cherry pie Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise Tastes so good makes a grown man cry Sweet Cherry Pie
/plays air guitar to Warrant
Must…resist…masturbating…
/at work
Move over, Lauren Graham, there’s a new Mrs. Robinson in town.
….but with less shame and more cheers and high fives.
I’ll have some hair pie, please sans the hair
Remember what the pie looked like after Jason Biggs boned it in that movie? That’s what I’d do to MLP.