07.15.09 MAN’S IMPOTENCE GETS NATIONALLY TELEVISED

On Monday night’s “Bachelorette,” Ed scored big points with Jillian by flying his parents out to Hawaii so that they could meet the girl of his dreams.  After a long day in the sun, the two opted for a night in the Fantasy Suite, and from there, the magic took over:

As their “sexy time” begins to heat up, ABC zooms away from the Fantasy Suite until viewers are taken outside the hotel just in time to see the lights inside the suite flick off. After a quick pan out to the romantic Maui beach setting, the cameras return to outside the suite bedroom, where, oddly enough, the lights flicker back on [*record scratch*].

Next, we see a visibly disappointed Ed lying face down on the bed while a consoling Jillian sits on his back showering him with neck kisses [*sad trombone*].

”I was very nervous, and, uh, it just didn’t happen. I couldn’t show her that I really truly am in love with her. Jill may have gotten the wrong impression,” says Ed to the camera, adding, “She could just ask me to leave.”

There you have it: Ed Swiderski was impotent on national television.  Everyone who ever meets him from now on will find out with a simple Google search that he couldn’t get an erection for a woman he declared his love for.  You know, it’s almost like going on a reality show and competing for someone’s affection isn’t the best way to find enduring love.