07.16.09 WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: HARRY POTTER PORN

J.K. Rowling: A Day in the Life (ABC) — That sound you hear is ABC cashing in on cheap programming a day before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows opens.  I think there should be a porn called Harry Potter and the Meth-Head Swallows.

Discovering the Real World of Harry Potter (Travel) — Oh Jesus.  There is no real world of Harry Potter.  It’s fake, people.  It’s f-cking pretend.  Now put down the broomstick and stop playing quidditch at your overrated private liberal arts college.

Burn Notice (USA) — Michael and a prominent member of the Miami underworld get kidnapped by a dangerous operative from Michael’s past.  Why won’t those mean people from his past just leave him alone?  He’s not a spy any more you guys!

Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — Probably the funniest show on television this summer, although that comes from the biased opinion of a blogger talking about a show that focuses on the Internet.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — Results show.  Two of the top ten get sent home.  This show’s gonna end in two months and the new season of “American Idol” will be ready to go.  It never ends unless we break the cycle of watching it, people.

World’s Largest Cruise Ship (Nat Geo) — Take a look at Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas.  It’s programming targeted specifically towards people who subscribe to Yacht Owners Monthly.

Braveheart (TNT) — I dunno, it’s just not the same without blood splattering on the camera. And isn’t it long enough without commercials?