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Whale Wars (Animal Planet) — Season finale.  Alas, I fear this means no more knife-fighting whale Photoshops :(

Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) — Liberal douchebaggery PLUS an appearance from Jay Leno.  Looks like I’ll be leaving the house to get drunk tonight.

Jockeys (Animal Planet) — Ha ha, this show is on Animal Planet.  Because very short people aren’t quite human.

Monk (USA) — I admit, I’ve never seen an entire episode of this show.  But I did like that part in Men in Black where Tony Shalhoub got his head blown off.  Man, that Will Smith fella sure does have some wisecracks!

NFL Preseason: Titans at Cowboys (Fox) — At last, the majesty of the Cowboys’ new billion-dollar superstadium is unveiled.  And with it comes the annoying t-shirts.

Hard Rock Calling (VH1) — A concert from London’s Hyde Park that includes Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, the Pretenders, the Killers, Ben Harper,and Dave Matthews Band.  The “Hard Rock” part refers to the sponsor, not the music.

The Late Show (CBS) — Included here because Patton Oswalt is the second guest (Christina Applegate is first up; Brendan Benson is the musical guest).

Make It Happen (MTV) — Oh yay, an  MTV movie!  From the writer of  Save the Last Dance and Step Up comes this story of a dancer (no way!) who fails at a big audition then dances at a burlesque club as she works to redeem herself.  Alternate title: Strip Down 2 Da Teats.