DIE.
09.01.09
You may know the procreation-crazed Duggar family from the repeated TLC specials that gave birth to their series, “18 Kids and Counting.” Well, TLC, get ready to change the name of the show again, because 42-year-old matriarch Michelle is pregnant with baby #19 — just eight months after popping out the most recent sex trophy.
Michelle has now been pregnant 147 months of her life, with five more to go. That’s 12-plus years and counting. For those who are counting, the Duggars report that they have changed an estimated 90,000 diapers and do approximately 200 loads of laundry a month…
[Back story:] After Josh [their eldest] was born, Michelle went back on the pill. She got pregnant anyway and suffered a miscarriage, which her physician told them was probably caused by the pill. As conservative Christians, they decided after that to let God decide how many children they would have.
This kind of story is really hard for me to write, because I don’t want to sound like some godless liberal railing against well-meaning family-oriented Christians. Because I’m not a godless liberal. I very much look forward to having children and raising them with the proper values, et cetera. On the other hand, HOLY F-CK GOD IS NOT AGAINST MODERN SCIENCE AND MEDICINE. You can love God and have a family and go to church even after you’ve had a vasectomy, you know? Or hell, two words: pull out. I haven’t read the whole Bible, but I know for a fact that “Thou Shalt Not Blow Thy Wad on Thy Wife’s Face” is not a commandment.
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The first 10 minutes of Idiocracy seems to be appropriate for this news…
you know whats really creepy? their oldest kid is having kids now
“42-year-old matriarch”
Next few could be retarded. Good luck with that.
“I haven’t read the whole Bible, but I know for a fact that “Thou Shalt Not Blow Thy Wad on Thy Wife’s Face” is not a commandment.” – that has to be the funniest thing i’ve heard all day
I’m a liberal who finds both lack of faith and fundamentalist shit disturbing. But as someone who spent a lot of time in front TV as a youth, occasionally watching the religious channels for their unintentional entertainment value even I know the bible says pulling out is a sin. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan P.S. I can’t wait for the VH1 special uniting these fuckers with Jon and Kate and Octomom.
They give all their kids “J” names. I assume the baby-to-be will be named Jesus Fucking Christhole My Labia Have Been Pounded Into An Unrecognizable Pulp Duggar.
C’mon people, even the rhythm method could work. Oh, wait. They’re white people; they have no rhythm.
You had me at “DIE” Mr. Ufford
Throwing a hot dog down the hallway doesn’t even do the gapefest that must be her va-jine justice. Can we go with throwing a toothpick down the lincoln tunnel? Does that even come close?
What exactly does this moron do for a living and are they hiring? Even if they buy the kids’ clothes by the pound, which I assume by looking at them they do, that’s a lot of damn shoes.
Can we get the EPA to declare her vagina a biohazard, maybe drop a cement cap on that shit?
We need a hero. Like Richard McBeef.
18 kids = the loosest pussy on the planet.
Pray this doesn’t turn into a baby-centric arms race with that whore Octomom.
but I know for a fact that “Thou Shalt Not Blow Thy Wad on Thy Wife’s Face” is not a commandment. –
Not only is it NOT a commandment, it’s not even good advice.
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth sometimes.
This thread has all sorts of win in it. Kudos.
To steal wisdom from the intertubes:
“It’s a vagina, lady. Not a clown car.”
I’m a godless non-liberal…but politics/ethics/whatever aside, there is something very “off” about this. Does ol’ Jim Bob think he’s some kind of fertility god or something? Is Michelle incapable of imagining life without having one in the oven? If they can support this tribe, fine. Doesn’t make it any less weird.
BTK, it looks like you live in a fucking stable.
How the fuck does this dude even get it up for that baby factory anymore? Nasty, man.
“Shoulda but didna, so hand ‘em over. Hey! Kids! We’re eatin’ dinner tonight! Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dylan, Dermot, Jordan, Taylor, Brittany, Wesley, Rumor, Scout, Cassidy, Zoe, Chloe, Max, Hunter, Kendall, Katlin, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Ian, Lauren, Q-Bert, Phil!”
Eight.
I’m going to let God decide how many times i can masturbate today. Seven and counting so far.
So which one of these kids is named Dingus Squatford, Jr.?
Listen, I think it’s ridiculous to have 19 kids too, but when the race wars finally break out I’m going to be very grateful to have these people on my side.