09.08.09 HOLY GARBAGE CATS, BATMAN!

Just as TLC is the go-to channel to watch dwarves and terrible parents, A&E highlights people with problems. And I don’t mean problems like you and I have problems. Not “Oh crap, I had to take a pay cut” or “my girlfriend broke up with me” problems. I mean PROBLEMS.  Get me some italics and boldface PROBLEMS. I mean “This lady on ‘Obsessed’ scrubs her rectum out with a toothbrush for two hours in the shower every time she takes a dump” kind of problems.

But even the crazies on “Obsessed” may have been eclipsed by last night’s episode of “Hoarders.” I didn’t catch the episode myself, but I was alerted by this tweet this morning:

Never have close-ups and zoom-ins on piles of dog hair been more poignant than on this episode of Hoarders. Oh, the dead cats are sad, too.

Yup, Jake is a 21-year-old who hoards garbage and feels like if he throws out the hair his dog sheds then he’s killing his dog. And Shirley — ohhhh, Shirley. Shirley and her husband estimate that they have somewhere between 20 and two dozen animals in their house, but it’s impossible to count them all because of the MOUNTAINS OF FILTH AND CAT SKELETONS in which they live.

As Animal Control scoured the home for live cats to capture and take away, they also come across this other thing… known as “dead cats.” Tons and tons of dead cats. Dead cats in every shape and size! Tiny ones, big ol’ adult ones, full cat skeletons, little kitty skulls, mummified whole ones, and parts of dead cats that you can’t even figure out. [BWE]

Good times. Good, good times. You can watch the full episode here. By the way, I think a cat in a mummy costume would be an adorable idea for Halloween. As long as the cat was, you know, alive.