09.09.09 HOORAY FOR GIGANTIC CANS!

Last week Sophie Reade was named the winner of the most recent iteration of UK’s “Big Brother,” and this is news because of her ginormous breasts. It’s also news because she gained some weight and said she’s gonna get bigger boobs and plastic surgery on her vagina. Good times.

Of her weight, the glamour girl said she was having to wear tracksuits as none of the rest of her clothes fitted. Talking in this week’s issue of New! magazine, she said: ”I’m usually between 7st 11lbs and 7st 13lbs [109 to 111 lbs] and I’m now 9st [126 lbs]. I can’t believe I’ve gained more than a stone in weight!” [Mirror]

That sound you just heard? Thousands and thousands of normal-breasted women who weigh more than 126 pounds flipping open a switchblade and announcing they’re going to cut a bitch.

The model, who already wears a 30GG bra, says she wants to give herself an even bigger boost with the £71,321 she won. When asked if she would be considering a boob job Sophie said: “I’m going to, yes. Go bigger? Why not, just for a change, go massive.” She cheekily added: “Maybe I’ll have a designer vagina. Maybe pink and fluffy.” [Mirror]

Don’t stop there! See if the surgeon can remove your uterus, too! Oh, that’s too harsh, you say? We should let her reproduce because of her awesome gigantic breast gene? I say watch the video below and tell me if you think this person should be responsible for anything more complicated than sea monkeys.

Sexy Post-jump BONUS: Sophie topless here.