Good news, Harry Potter fans: a company has designed a wand that acts as a universal remote control. The Kymera Wand is a programmable dork-magnet that allows you to change the channel by flicking your wrist and adjust the volume by rotating the wand. I am not making this up.
For the best results, hold the wand lightly in the hand, steady and level, and make short, positive movements… Pause for a half second between gestures. With a little bit of practice you will easily be able to amaze and delight your friends and family, by working your incredible magic.
Of course, your friends would be even MORE amazed and delighted if you stopped masturbating to Lord of the Rings fan fiction and fetishized something besides children’s fantasy books. Seriously, ANY kind of hardcore weirdo is better than adults who think they’re wizards. Hell, at least furries get laid.
[Gizmodo via Topless Robot]
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Will this replace my special dialing wand as well? Should I mash the telephone pad or the keyboard?
Wait, you read LOTR fan fiction? I think you should put your pants back on this instant.
Can it still be used in foreplay with Samantha?
+1 Enrico
I knew I shouldn’t have clicked on that link
*dismissive wanding motion*
Jesus Christ…this fucking thing should come with a Swirlie.
“For the best results, hold the wand lightly in the hand, steady and level, and make short, positive movements… Pause for a half second between gestures. With a little bit of practice you will easily be able to amaze and delight your friends and family, by working your incredible magic.”
They should issue these to every high school girl in the world, stat.