OH RIGHT, THIS HAPPENED
09.08.09
(another example of fair and balanced photo editing)
San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman was jailed briefly this weekend after reality star Tila Tequila made a citizen’s arrest of the All-Pro. Tequila (real name: Tila Nguyen), the supposedly bisexual star of “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” who rose to pseudo-fame because she posted slutty pictures of herself on MySpace, had Merriman charged with battery and false imprisonment after he allegedly choked her. Merriman denies any violence and claims he was preventing her from driving drunk, while Tequila went on Twitter to claim that she’s allergic to alcohol and Merriman was going through steroid-induced rage.
Blech, this story sucks. Merriman is easily one of the top ten douchebag/a-holes of the NFL, and Tila Tequila is only likable if you’re into midget Vietnamese attention whores with fake cans. Actually, “midget Vietnamese attention whore with fake cans” sounds kinda sexy, but I definitely meant it as an insult. Maybe the judge that works on this case can sentence them both to death, just as a favor to humanity.
(links via With Leather)
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this is all a big misunderstanding. She wanted to be choked but Merriman forgot her safe word
“Tequila went on Twitter to claim that she’s allergic to alcohol”
*BOOM!* Ah, hell! My bullshit detector exploded….
@Enrico: It’s a peculiarity of California law, having to do with a complainant who wants an arrest made without there being evidence that the police could consider probable cause. In most states, the complainant would just have to sign a notarized criminal complaint and that suffices as PC.
That said, sentencing them both to death is the best idea I’ve heard in months.
i’m just hoping that the death sentence is merriman gets to choke Tila to death & he gets an over-dose of steroids
This Tila chick sounds like a real Nguyen-er.
Shawn Merriman and Tila Tequila: You’ve got With leather in my Warming Glow, you’ve got Warming Glow in my With Leather.
Wait. Tila TEQUILA, the star of the show A SHOT AT LOVE, is allergic to alcohol?
This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, “The Never-Ending Story”.
In Merriman’s defense, people who believe in “citizen’s arrest” should be choked.
Shawne Merriman only does his choking in January.
Wait, her last name isn’t really Tequila? Is there nothing left to believe in?!?