nph-nflHey buddy, you mind? I’m tryin’ to watch something that matters.

The Emmys were last night, and unless you’ve got an iron will and the patience of Job, it’s unlikely you watched the entire telecast.

So here’s the entire night: “30 Rock” and “Mad Men” won for best comedy and drama, respectively; the pleasant surprises were Kristen Chenoweth for supporting actress in “Pushing Daisies” and Michael Emerson for supporting actor in “Lost”; and the most unpleasant surprises were Jon Cryer winning  best supporting actor in a comedy for “Two and a Half Men” and the criminal snub of “Generation Kill” for best miniseries, which went to “Little Dorritt.” There you go. That’s everything that’s worth talking about if you want to pretend that the Emmys have half the import of the Oscars.

More importantly, following a night where all of my TV crushes were assembled in one place, I’d like to petition the government to make Blake Lively’s breasts a national monument of some sort. I know I’ve said this before, but they are SPECTACULAR. And I don’t mean that in any kind of chauvinist or demeaning way: they’re just a natural beauty crafted by God, like Devil’s Tower or the Badlands or the falls at Yosemite. You should be able to pay $15 to elbow some German tourists out of the way and get a good look at them. I wanna go camping there.

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(live blog here, more on the winners here, excellent column on the awards here)