09.03.09 WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: MMMM, RACHEL BILSON

Project Runway (Lifetime) — Rachel Bilson is the guest judge. I will adore her unapologetically forever and ever for being Summer on “The O.C.” Hey Rach, why don’t you ditch that zero Hayden Christensen and get with a real man? **winks, wipes Cheetoh dust off shirt**

Models of the Runway (Lifetime) — Did we really need a separate reality series about the models in “Project Runway”? Short answer: no. Long answer: no, not at all.

Disaster Lab (Discovery) — They named it after room where you were conceived. Ya burnt.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (ABC Family) — The original one with Gene Wilder. I don’t know why my parents let me watch this as a kid — the trippy part with the boat is DARK AS HELL.

College Football: South Carolina at N.C. State (ESPN) — Dude, ERIN ANDREWS! Get a screengrab of her in HD! Look, I can see her tongue! Just imagine what she can do with that!

Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC) — R. Kelly is scheduled to perform. I believe that means he’s going to sing. I hope that’s what it means.