90210icecream

90210 (CW) — Season 2 premiere. The LA Times’ Showtracker blog thinks you should give this show a try. I respectfully disagree, even if Annalynne McCord has some of the best legs in Hollywood (many many more pics here).

Melrose Place (CW) — Series premiere. This is gonna suck. I’m not sure how I can be so certain it will suck without actually watching it, but I think the CW and Ashlee Simpson are pretty good warning signs.

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — Season 2 premiere. I might be a little too excited for this, but I don’t care. Everything Henry Rollins does is awesome. He sucks at singing and he still fronted badass bands. He occasionally makes poetry cool. His Wikipedia picture has him sweating pit stains through a black t-shirt. Who else can do that?

The Cleaner (A&E) — I see this pop up in the listings every week and I never feel like mentioning it. Something about Benjamin Whatshisface just kinda bores me.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox) — I’ve given this some thought, and I think I want to punch Gordon Ramsay more than any other person on television. You guys can have the douchebags like Spencer Pratt; I’ve always held more of a grudge against foul-mouthed bullies. Probably because my father beat me so much.

Chopped (Food) — Part one of a four featuring chefs who have competed before. I’m pretty sure host Ted Allen is the only one of the original “Queer Eye” guys still working. Well, in a salaried position, I mean.