columbus-dayElvis Dog and Wolfgirl are just happy to get the day off.

Too sexy for television. America Ferrera as Ugly Betty hooks up with some marine mammals. Dolphins really will hump anything. [Daily Mail]

Too sexy for television, non-sarcastic edition. Eva Amurri’s topless stripping performance on last night’s “Californication” (NSFW). [WWTDD]

But did the real Connie Hilton want the moon? Pretty cool article about the real-life Conrad Hilton versus the version in “Mad Men.” Key quote: “Connie Hilton… was indeed shopping for a new agency in 1963. And the view that the Drapers enjoy from their hotel room is the actual view from the Hilton Cavalieri in Rome.” Frankly, Matthew Weiner, you don’t have to try that hard. [Houston Chronicle]

Oh no, now we’re going to have an underage drinking problem. The CW aired its first-ever beer commercial last week. Viewers admitted that the Bud Light spot had deeper characters and a more convincing plot than “Melrose Place.” [B&C]

I predict Hoyt’s mom! “True Blood” creator Alan Ball on Season 3 of everyone’s favorite vampire soap-porn: “Somebody is going to bite the dust and it’s going to be really good to see them get what they deserve.” [Seattle P-I]

I made it through 24 seconds. Oy. An a capella medley of ’90s TV show themes. Prepare to want to hit a college student. [Buzzfeed]

‘In fact, they probably DO have an STD.’ At a date auction with “Real World” cast members, participants had to sign a waiver acknowledging that they might get a venereal disease from them. [Washington Examiner]

You gotta pay for Helvetica, bitch. NBC is getting sued by the Font Bureau for allegedly using fonts it didn’t have the rights to. That’s rough. Font lawyers are cutthroat. [Cityfile]