10.27.09 WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: GREAT PUMPKIN

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (ABC) — I don’t want to come off as insensitive, but if you have a son who’s as much of a retarded pussy as Linus, you’ve failed as a parent.

Scream Awards (Spike) — These supposedly honor the best of sci-fi, horror, and fantasy, but really it’s just an excuse to snag teenage viewers by honoring crap like Twilight and Transformers while parading around sexy presenters like Megan Fox and Jessica Alba. Wait, did you say Megan Fox? *sets DVR*

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — I’m taking a week off from pimping this show. The only reason I’m mentioning it at all is because someone would leave a comment saying I forgot about it if I omitted it.

The Little Couple (TLC) — Season premiere. From Yahoo: “Last season, newlyweds Jen and Bill settled into married life. This season they’re ready to take on another big life event: starting a family.” So you’re saying they’re… makin’ bacon?

Flipping Out (Bravo) — This is a season 2 reunion special, which I guess means the second season ended. Hooray!

Hip Hop Awards ‘09 (BET) — Violence-free for __1__ years!

Michael Jackson ‘This Is It’ Movie Special (MTV) — Celebrities are interviewed on the red carpet as they go enter the Jackson family’s last best chance to milk Michael’s memory for some more money. Look for lots of famous musicians to have a clear-eyed memory of the mercurial man who was abused by his father and had inappropriate relationships with children throughout his adult life. Ha ha, I’m kidding of course. Everyone will say he’s teh best there ever was.