David Hasselhoff presented an award at last night’s European Music Awards in Berlin, located in the country we can blame for his music career. And since he walked onstage to “Looking for Freedom,” and since he was in the city where the Berlin Wall fell, and maybe because he was wearing a sequined suit, and especially since he was drunk, the Hoff took the opportunity to slur his way through a Cold War history lesson. And let me give this next statement its own all-caps paragraph:

THE. VIDEO. IS. AWESOME.

The level of drunkenness is just truly remarkable. Like, I drink a lot, but when I see this I’m all, “Phew, at least I don’t have a problem.” What a marvelous destructive addiction he has. He knew he had to go on TV, and he didn’t just have a couple of nips of grandfather’s cough syrup to get loose. He probably washed down some horse tranquilizers with a fifth of vodka. I think he’s moved up to a second-round pick in next year’s celebrity death pool.