11.24.09 SIX GALLONS OF SPRAY TAN LIQUID

If the USA was a fruit tree, NJ would be the lowest hanging fruit.

I’m Italian, my wife speaks Italian. That video makes me want to change my last name and get a divorce.

You say you’re the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island like it’s a good thing.

/head explodes

Shot through the heart and you’re to blame
You give Italians a bad name

I saw the “Premieres Dec. 3rd,” but I was hoping that was from the year 2006 and I had just missed this. It was a lot more novel when I thought it already happened. Now its looming existence terrifies me.

Sharks, we need you:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Shore_shark_attacks_of_1916

When did Kelly Clarkson get a spray tan and go on Dancing with the Stars?

“A recent Sunday afternoon, backstage at the McCadden rehearsal space here, [Fiona] Locke spritzed half a dozen contestants, naked or in string bikinis, to chestnut-colored skin. She changed the settings on her gun to paint in the shadows of muscles. Six-pack abs, defined cheekbones and sculpted arms appeared almost instantly.”

Boy, the new Twilight movie is gonna suuuuuuuuuck

Re: Jersey Shore: “I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” — Ripley (and later Hicks, IIRC)