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Two and a Half Men (CBS) — Tricia Helfer of “Battlestar Galactica” guest stars. Mmmmm… Tricia Helfer.

Chef Academy (Bravo) — Series premiere. I spent some time reading reviews of this, and all of them seemed pretty lukewarm. But if you like handsome chefs with French accents, this is the crappy reality show for you.

CSI: Miami (CBS) — L.A. Laker Pau Gasol guest stars as a tall guy. “If we’re gonna solve this case, we may have to put in some… long hours.” YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

The Soup Presents: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies (E!) — All the crazy women from “The View” to reality TV. I have no idea how this is only 30 minutes long.

Monday Night Football (ESPN) — Ravens at Browns. No live-blog tonight. This game sucks way too hard.

The Prisoner (AMC) — Night #2 — I think — of the three-night miniseries. I read some bad reviews and decided to focus my effort on watching “WWII in HD” instead.

Gossip Girl (CW) — In a move that enthralls the world of gays and teenage girls, Lady Gaga performs on tonight’s episode. Watch a clip below.