COMMERCIAL OF THE YEAR
12.28.09I saw this commercial while watching the Incredible Dog Challenge (Western Regionals) on ESPN2 this weekend, and while the IDC had dogs surfing, this commercial for the Emery Cat — a scratching post that files your cat’s nails — really won me over with its near-Kitten Mittens approach to advertising. There’s a lot to love here:
- Not one but TWO uses of the most hilarious sound effect ever: the cat scream.
- “Is your cat a disgusting fatass, like you? Don’t worry, this works for heavier cats, too!”
- “Ordinary scratching posts can cost as much as $100.” People that spend a hundred dollars on a scratching post are even dumber than the people buying Emery Cat.
Also note that none of the testimonials come from men. In fact, no men appear at all in the commercial, which insinuates that none of the women in the commercial are married. Which is a good idea, I think. You don’t want to alienate your clientele.
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Lemony cat purses her lips in disapproval, overcharged by $50 or more with no hope of getting her money back. FAIL.
City of Ember Cat thinks this product didn’t get enough critical attention
Empery Cat will not allow this abomination in his empire.
Amerie Cat is upset that she is such an obscure musical reference that I couldn’t think of a joke that would result in anyone knowing what the fuck I was talking about.
On a side note, my mother offered to buy one of these for my cat, Orange Julius, and I refused because I had recently bought Ikea furniture and couldn’t find a difference between the packaging it came with and the actual Emory cat. So she instead sent me a fucking onesie for the thing.
Side note: Ignoring all common sense about drug-seeking behavior and giving cats a toy infused with catnip that allows them to potentially grind their nails down to the nerve endings in a predictable crack-addict fashion – it’s like this was made specifically for dumb, Twilight cat-loners.
Ebony and Ivory cat don’t care what you think, because they’re in love.
Dick Emery cat thinks you are awful, but he likes you.
Emcee Cat killed DJ AM.
Memery Cat thinks this needs more Keyboard Cat.
MRE Cat comes with a flameless ration heater
R. Lee Ermey Cat thinks the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.
Embree Cat wishes you’d give him a job.
Sigh. 0 for 2 on my italics tags. I should sober up or something.
Emiry Cat is annoyed that her Japanese owner can’t pronounce her name “Emily” correctly.
Another setback in the War on Cat-Nip
They say that lots of pets come to resemble their owners, but I don’t believe that’s true. If it was, then why isn’t my stepfather’s cat drunk all the time and hitting my mom?
Armory Cat needs a signature before you can check out that M-60.
Amelie Cat at least had a cute French girl.
Kitten Mittens is far, far, far > than Emery Cat.
Emory Cat on the other hand thinks that his Master’s Degree in Social Work will actually secure him gainful employment.