It’s that time of the year where local news stations do heartwarming puff pieces for the holiday season. Except in Tennessee, where four-year-old Hayden Wright snuck out of his home in the middle of the night, got drunk, wandered around the neighborhood, went into a neighbor’s house, and stole presents from under the tree — one of which was a little girl’s dress that he then put on before continuing wandering around the neighborhood. I repeat: four years old. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.hayden-wright

April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail.  She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree. Now she’s just glad he’s okay and says she won’t let it happen again.

“He runs away trying to find his father,” she said. “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.”

My mom always said I was precocious, but compared to me this kid is a genius. I didn’t get into drunken burglary and cross-dressing until I was 19.