Steven Seagal: Lawman (A&E) — Series premiere. At long last, the greatest show ever created debuts. You enjoy laughing at the white trash on “Cops,” right? Now imagine if Steven Seagal was arresting them. God, I can’t wait.

Christmas in Rockefeller Center (NBC) — Live. Jane Krakowski and Zachary Levi host the lighting of the Rock Center Christmas tree — assuming the disgruntled union doesn’t renege on their agreement not to go on strike.abominable-snowman

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (CBS) — This holiday special did permanent damage to me when I was younger: the abominable snowman scared the sh-t out of me, and the Island of Misfit Toys wasn’t exactly Pleasant Dreams Central.

Top Chef (Bravo) — Part 1 of a two-week season finale. Go, fat bearded guy!

Launch My Line (Bravo) — Series premiere. Another reality show about fashion design. The twist on this one: established fashion designers are paired with professionals from other fields like event planning and dance to create a new line. WOOF.

The Daily Show (Comedy Central) — Jon Stewart welcomes guest Lance Armstrong, whose SAMCRO name is Half-Sack.