WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: ‘TOP CHEF’ FINALE
12.09.09
Top Chef (Bravo) — Season finale. In a competition between the three contestants who outperformed the competition by far throughout the season, I’ll be rooting for the fat bearded guy (Kevin) over the two Voltaggio brothers, Brian and his A-hole brother Mike. Side note: I tweeted about this last week, but Padma Lakshmi with bangs and a baby bump gave me a violent erection. My penis went out and robbed people at gunpoint after the last episode.
Glee (Fox) — Fall finale. I’m not sure what that means. I guess the show is going on hiatus for a couple months before finishing its season. By the way, if you like Jane Lynch in this show — and you should, because she’s the best part about it — you should check out Amy Phillips’s amazing Lynch impersonation in this Funny or Die video.
The Ruins (MTV) — Season finale. What is this, the 57th season of the Road Rules/Real World Challenge?
Barbara Walters Presents: The Ten Most Fascinating People of 2009 (ABC) — I got an email from “patguy” who informed me that Walters was on Letterman last night. The purpose of his message? “Huge earlobes. They look a lot like ballsacks.” So there’s that. Anyway, some of the people on this fascinating list: Kate Gosselin, Glenn Beck, Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert, Tyler Perry, Brett Favre, and Jenny Sanford, the estranged wife of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. And not one person on that list made it for having huge tits. I’m afraid my list would be very different.
Campus PD (G4) — Series premiere. University police bust underage kids for drinking. Must be really fulfilling lives they lead.
Law & Order: SVU (NBC) — John Larroquette guest stars. I caught an episode in syndication last night where Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Elizabeth Banks played married porn stars. I support any fictional world where Elizabeth Banks is a porn star (and Ice-T is a cop).
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I know that generally speaking the Jay Leno Show is a fucking mental abortion. But last night he had on Jim fucking Norton.
He has a damn recurring bit (How he agreed to be on this piece of crap repeatedly is beyond me. But then again his bit did start out with him describing how his agent is a retard). And because it was Lil’ Jimmy, it was funny as Hell.
Luckily it’s on Hulu.
Side Note: Violent Erection is an awesome name for a band.
Love Lynch and that was a great impression. She was fantastic in Role Models. But I seem to the only person that thinks that movie was brilliant.
The fact that The Ten Most “Fascinating” People of 2009 consists of untalented, attention-whoring, retards is further proof that Barbara Walters is seriously losing her shit.
I saw that episode of SVU. You should be clear. Elizabeth Banks was in a gang bang and Mark-Paul was doing gay porn. Great ep.
I’m assuming when Padma’s baby pops out, it will find the first rich over-60 man it sees then marry it.
And Campus PD’s next episode shows several roided-out officers who wear black gloves and oakleys raiding a bar and choke-slamming an 18-year old kid for being underage and “talking back”.
I’m in full agreement on Padma’s bangs, but not so much the baby bump. All I can think about when I see those things is which foreign country I’m going to flee to so I can avoid child support.
That .gif is strangely hypnotic. You should open up the grip though. People might think you have a skinny weiner.
That rack was fantastic, and all I could focus on during the episode.
Padma has bangs and baby bump? I was too distracted by Gail Simmons’ fantastic rack to notice.