snooki-sarlacc

At the Jersey shore you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years

After losing her job as a receptionist due to her trip to Hollywood last week, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has signed on with Neon Entertainment, which now handles access to the Queen of Guidettes (she’ll be Poppin bottles n Snookin the night at Shy Lounge in Long Island tomorrow, in case you’re interested).snooki-backbend

One local blogger inquired about just how much it would cost to get The Tanned One to your birthday party, and a rep told him: “Her price is 2000 + transportation.” [Gothamist]

I’m going to (A) assume that that’s an hourly rate, and (B) hope against hope that it’s two thousand pesos, not dollars. I would LOVE to rent Snooki. I’d even pay extra (like, 200 pesos) to have her dress as a clown. You ever seen a clown with a fake tan? That’s money well spent, friends.

(the GIF and the inspiration for the banner image came from fourfour)