THESE CHIMPS SUCK AT FILMMAKING
01.27.10Warming Glow’s nerdy little brother Gamma Squad already wrote about this yesterday, but BBC Two is airing a special called “Chimpcam,” which the network is touting as “a unique experiment” and “the world’s first film shot by chimpanzees.” And I hate to play the role of Captain Obvious here, but there’s kind of a reason that there’s never been a movie made by chimpanzees before. I mean, watch the video above. There’s no story, no characterization, and terrible camera work. You can see better work by twelve-year-olds on YouTube, and 12-year-olds are idiots. Not that I’ve been looking at 12-year-olds on YouTube. No, I’m reporting YOU to the police!
But the good news is that there’s someone who can save this project. An experienced, well-respected director. A gifted actor. A Hollywood legend. A man who will share his beer with any species of primate:
“Chimpcam”? No thank you. “Clint Eastwood Presents: Chimpcam”? Sold.
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And Letterman did it 25 years ago.
Aw fuck.
I = It
Chimps may not be able to shoot a movie, but they can write novels:
I was the best of times it was the BLURST of times?!? You stupid monkey!
“There’s no story, no characterization, and terrible camera work. You can see better work by twelve-year-olds on YouTube…”
Still more coherent and story driven than a Michael Bay film.
Whoo boy, when I saw this post headline I thought you’d gone all “Fox News” on us.
Sorry then, I see “Orangutaint.”
Clint Eastwood used to be smart as a monkey but now he’s dumb as a chimp.
Oh for fuck’s sake, Luthur. Fine. I changed it.
Rebecca, that sequel killed Clyde the orangutan’s career.
That’s an orangutang.
Sales of Olympia plummeted, however, after the much-maligned sequel “Every Which Way You Can.”
I wish I were joking about there being a sequel.
Isn’t Blair Witch Project 3 Vince’s turf?
And I don’t know if the still on the video above is supposed to be some sort of pervert Rorschach test, but I see a whole hell of a lot of chimp taint right there.
Look at that product placement. Sales of Olympia “it’s the water” Beer must have shy rocketed after “Every Which Way, But Loose” was released.
If Mojo makes a cameo in Episode Two, fuck it, I’ll watch.