HELLO! ZOOEY DESCHANEL AS A GROUPIE.
02.03.10
My one complaint with Zooey Deschanel — other than her gluten-free vegan diet, of course — is that she always plays the same self-aware hipster (from Almost Famous to 500 Days of Summer), and even when she’s not (Elf), she still comes off like a self-aware hipster. What she needs to do is slut it up. I mean really slut it up. Hey, good news!
Zooey Deschanel has just committed to star in an HBO half-hour pilot that will be based on I’m With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie, the Pamela Des Barres’ memoir of bed-hopping with musicians and movie stars in the late 1960s… Des Barres bragged about her bedroom experiences with the likes of Mick Jagger, Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page and actor Don Johnson. But along the with excitement of rolling with famous rockers, there was also the emptiness and heartbreak of being demeaned and discarded by stars once the next pretty young thing came along.
NICE. Time for Zooey to go blonde, get naked, and get discarded. Oh, and drugs! I wanna see her do lots of drugs, too. Naked rock ‘n roll drug sex, please. Anything to up the stakes in the Deschanel sisters’ battle for my heart. Your move, Emily. *passes her script with lesbian scene*
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I want to see Zooey fuck the Caveman Diet guy … before he tells her who he is. And then I want him to video tape her vomiting afterward. That’s how much I hate vegans. I don’t care how hot they are, if they don’t like meat, they don’t belong in my bed. (Yep that’s right, I’ve got a penis. A big one.)
@Chino: I heard it was a red snapper. Oh, and that the fish was not a mudshark.
Is that groupie the same girl known as “The Plaster Caster?” She would make a cast mold of the penis of every rock star she banged? Jimi Hendrix was obviously the biggest.
Would she grow a huge vagina-fro, for the sake of authenticity?
God that gluten-free vegan diet thing drives me insane.
There’s no way you’re allergic to every kind of food in the universe, you hipster doofus, and if you are, just die. Nature hates you.
Pamela Des Barres may have slept with a lot of rock stars, but the girl who took a mudshark to the pussy at the Edgewater? Now, that’s the groupie I wanna see a show about.
*removes Looking for a Heartbeat from turntable*
Haha. Yeah, fuck Don Johnson.
with the likes of Mick Jagger, Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page and actor Don Johnson
One of these things is not like the other
“Bragging” would be the last thing that I would do after being buggered by Don Johnson.
I read that book. As I recall, it was depressingly tame. Hopefully the show would flesh out (so to speak) the sex scenes.
The words “based on” make me nervous. There’s still a chance this ends up with her in an updated version, where she’s just a self-aware hipster hanging out with bearded, asshole hipster bands in Brooklyn.
Naked rock ‘n roll drug sex = anal