On this past Sunday’s “60 Minutes,” Lesley Stahl investigated Snus, the smokeless tobacco that comes in tiny packets (If my Marines who chewed Copenhagen are to be believed, Snus are perfect for “pussies and faggots”). And in this delightful little edit of her report, she says “Snus” approximately 800 times. I like it because it makes her look crazy.

andy-rooneySpeaking of crazy, I’d love to hear what Andy Rooney has to say about Snus.

“It’s funny the way Snus have an S sound that makes the word rhyme with loose or caboose, instead of a Z sound. That would make it sound like snooze. Then we could say, ‘You Snus, you lose’ and be talking about using tobacco instead of sleeping. Lots of other words rhyme with Snus, too. Noose. Juice. Couscous. I didn’t know what the heck couscous was until my niece made it with dinner one Christmas season. But a lot MORE words rhyme with snooze. Clues, whose, dues, shoes, bruise, booze. Funny the way booze and bruise end up related so often. Now I get bruises when I bump into things, and I bump into things without having booze. That’s the thing about getting older: why are these lights so bright? My pants are wet.”

[Best Week Ever]