Steven Seagal Is: Fired from His Job
04.15.10
In light of the allegations that Steven Seagal keeps a handful of “executive assistants” for his perverse sexual needs, the Sheriff’s Department where Seagal works as a reserve deputy sheriff has kicked out A&E’s production crew, thus ending “Steven Seagal: Lawman” for the foreseeable future. TMZ says:
Steven Seagal’s A&E reality show has been suspended indefinitely — and the person pulling the plug is the real life sheriff from “Steven Seagal Lawman.”
The Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office has announced that they have booted the production crews from their offices, in light of the sexual trafficking lawsuit filed against Seagal in Los Angeles…
During a news conference in Louisiana, Sheriff Newell Normand also announced that he will not be launching an investigation into Seagal — unless Kayden Nguyen files a criminal complaint in Jefferson Parish.
Aw, so sad. “Lawman” was a strange combination of hilarious and boring, like a dull episode of “Cops” randomly starring and narrated by Steven Seagal. I can’t say I’ll miss it, but I will miss the presence of Seagal on television. Let’s go to the Steven Seagal Emotion Chart to see how he’s feeling today:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/04/the_tooth_fairy_091-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/04/bacon-150x150.jpg)
This show will be back at some point – take that to the bank.
THE BLOOD BANK
all he has to do now is learn to bake a cake and TLC will step right in
Where are the commenters this morning? Show me some action, or so help me God I WILL LEAVE THIS BLOG IN SOMEONE ELSE’S HANDS.
Good thing A&E learned their lesson from the whole Dog the Bounty Hunter fallout.
I’m now even more curious as to his “unique physiological reaction” to arousal. For fuck’s sake, THE MAN TURNS INTO A CAT WHEN HE’S SAD!
or so help me God I WILL LEAVE THIS BLOG IN SOMEONE ELSE’S HANDS.
Please let it be Falco.
Seriously, when are they going to start digging up this guy’s back yard?
Matt, by pleading for comments you’ve forced my hand into pointing out the small ironies that only I can appreciate– Steven Seagall is playing a Gibson EXPLORER in the above captioned picture and he’s being sued for essentially exploring this woman like a “sex toy.” See, ironic that you chose that picture.
See, this is why I don’t start commenting until at least noon.
/goes back to bed
The Seagal Aroused image can’t be right. Where’s the mouse dressed as Captain Nemo and playing a barrel organ?
You think he calls them is “Sexecutive assistants”?
Uff, I feel you MIGHT have photshoped a kitty into the emotional chart. How many cat pics do you have in your, “masturbation” folder?
He may not be good enough for A&E anymore, but he should expect a call from FOX soon.
Actually, upon further inspection it’s a Gibson Firebird. Goddamit, see what happens when I get cajoled into commenting.
This whole incident should make his “Above the Law” sequel that more intriguing.
@Strange, even though it is indeed a Firebird, Seagal still calls it the Sexplorer.
/chose this joke bz the “Jonathan Livingston Seagal” joke was a reach
If Seagal had used farm animals for sex slaves like everyone else in Louisiana the show would still be on, but using white women (even Russians) is just unacceptable in those parts.
I sure hope TLC brings in midgets and Kate Gosselin for warmth in the new show “Cake Dungeon Under Siege” ‘Another cold day in Hell.’