‘I Will Shoot My Way Into Office’
05.18.10
Dale Peterson is trying to get the Republican nomination for Agriculture Commissioner of Alabama, and he REALLY wants it. In what may be the greatest political TV ad I’ve ever seen, Peterson conjures the spirit of John Wayne to rail against the criminals and illegal aliens who are stealing Alabama’s farms. I’m not sure if I got those facts right; I got kinda swept up in the moment. As The Smoking Section says:
According to this amazing display of Americanism, Dale Peterson has been a farmer, a businessman, a cop, a Marine during Vietnam, and, as I imagine, a patient at St. Mary’s Hospital for the Clinically Intense.
Seriously, Dale Peterson farts thunder and craps lightning. But that’s bound to happen when this is your breakfast:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/CDPRapistLogo-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/ferrisbueller_01-150x150.jpg)
Q: What’s the first thing that an Alabama Girl says after losing her virginity?
A: “Get offa me Daddy! You’re squishin’ my smokes!”
Note: This joke also works in Mississippi, Arkansas, and Tennessee.
Q: You know why Alabamans like to do it doggy style?
A: That way, they can both watch wrestling!
It is a thing of beauty, isn’t it?
I especially like the close up of the gun when he says, “I’ll name names and take no prisoners!”
It makes be proud to be an Alabamian.
All of you should reaaallly fear us.
This guy makes Chuck Norris look like Paris Hilton hitting a punching bag.
I’d vote for him out of sheer fear he’d hunt me, then gun me down. Thank god I don’t live in Alabama.
Jesus fucking Christ I need to move… fuck that, I’ll just hang myself.
If you thought that was bad you should youtube the ads that Tim James has been running.
Can that be our new national anthem?
I wanna punch a hippie
I want one of his bumper stickers:
“Dale Peterson: What Are You Looking At, Faggot?!”
My god, he’s like Henry Rollins’ uncle from down south!
ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!!
Seriously, Dale Peterson farts thunder and craps lightning. That there is a damned lie drummed up by criminals and illegals. Dale Peterson hasn’t crapped in years!
This man has no human mother. He was born by climbing out of America’s Vagina: The Grand Canyon.
I’d be more impressed if at the end instead of walking next to his horse, he gave it a “human-back”. Meh. What a pussy.
Young Boozer for Alabama state treasurer!
http://www.youngboozerfortreasurer.com/
ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!!!!!
Meanwhile, the Republican gubernatorial primary in Alabama has focused on whether or not one of the candidates is one of them fags who believe in evolution. No, seriously.
What are the main issues in the GOP contest for attorney general? I bet one of them is accusing the other of being against marrying your own cousin. Or maybe he committed the ultimate sin of book learnin’.
“Bragging about receiving illegal money on Facebook? SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.”
“…during Vietnam”
How’d that work out?
Sounds to me like a guy who can’t keep a job.
This guy makes Bud Kilmer look like a pussy.
If he would’ve added a quick “I’m on a horse” at the end, he woulda been a lock.
By the way, this is the first time I’m happy that Charles Bronson is dead. I don’t think I could’ve taken hearing him say the word “Facebook.”
HE’S GOT A GUN
/dives under desk
Reporter: Dale, did you really shoot your opponent to death over the current state of farms in Alabama?
Dale: It was justified.
The only things that ad is missing is him spitting tobacco juice and an eagle.
Ron Zook approves.