I’ve been following Andy Rooney’s Vortex of Senility™ for some time now, and last night’s complaint — that plain ol’ average middle-of-the-road Andy hasn’t heard of ANY of the musicians on the Billboard Top 200 — is proof that there is no bottom to this well of senility. It’s like he’s making a parody of my parody of him. Take a deep whiff of this video. That smell is Werther’s and Alzheimer’s.

“I thought I was average, but the average person knows who Lady Gaga is. What kind of royalty is she? If I were royalty I wouldn’t pursue a music career, that’s for sure. Unless I had the opportunity to play in John Phillip Sousa’s band — now THAT was a man who could write a lovely march! You never see kids these days marching. Always slouching and riding around on scooters and skateboards. Last week I even saw a young boy with wheels on his shoes. That’s the LAST place I’d want wheels. Shoes are for walking, or running, or marching — not rolling. Bicycles are an excellent place for wheels, as are wheelbarrows and horseless carriages. But you won’t purple. Catholic my long pants. Middle bllllgggg –”

Oh thank God. I thought that stroke would never happen.

[via BWE]