I love David Simon. Not only did he create the best TV series ever made with “The Wire,” but he also captured my experience in Iraq with such alarming detail that I got flashbacks while watching “Generation Kill.” He has an unrivaled dedication to realism in his story telling, and he deflects criticism with a witheringly insightful understanding of his material.

With the first season of Simon’s “Treme” now finished, there are a couple refrains that are common in reviews: excellent music and acting, a plodding pace, and perhaps too much reverence for the culture of New Orleans. Simon spoke to Alan Sepinwall for a lengthy interview at Hit Fix that addresses these criticisms and more. Below are the eight most snobbishly dismissive quotes directed at his critics, with helpful translations:

For me, I don’t think people can tell the difference when they speak of plot between the notion of whether something is a plot that’s progressing or whether they’re having dramatic moments that are typical of television standard – which is to say, cop show, medical show, legal show, “West Wing,” whatever, where the stakes are high. That’s what people are saying.

Translation: “If my plot points are too subtle for you, please turn your dial to CBS, where you can watch “CSI” and fulfill the simple requirements of what you consider to be plot.”

I wouldn’t change a word. But did I anticipate this reaction? I anticipated a lot of, “Jesus Christ, it’s not ‘The Wire.’” Frankly, I could give a f*ck. That’s someone saying, “Waiter, there’s soup in my soup.”

Translation: “Jesus Christ, at this point I almost regret making ‘The Wire’.”

Would I add two murders and a house fire and a gang rape? No, I wouldn’t. If you want that, there’s plenty of opportunities to see it on TV.

Translation: “I don’t write programs for VH1.”

I don’t mind if a character is selfish or insecure. I just don’t need all my characters to be winning. And in the same way that people often miscalculate or fail to acknowledge the equivocation between high-stakes and plot itself, I think people generally mistake their dislike of a character as poor acting… I mean, it’s one thing to talk about the character; it’s another thing to talk about acting as if people know what the f*ck they’re talking about. Most people want to watch shows and they want to like the people they’re watching and they don’t want to think hard about why they’re ambivalent about a character. That doesn’t make it a grown-up endeavor, to do a show where you’re basically spoon-feeding warmth and simple plot.

Translation: “I apologize if my artistic renderings aren’t simple enough for primitive minds to understand. My bad.”

[W]ho isn’t self-absorbed when their town has a near-death experience? Were New Yorkers not talking about 9/11 for years afterwards? Was it not a subject of intense discussion and self-awareness? Did New Yorkers not sound to outsiders self-absorbed and preachy when they spoke of 9/11? The sense of entitlement that New Yorkers feel and that they’re not willing to grant to someone else who’s had a life-changing experience is really remarkable.

Translation: “Ooh, burn.”

Probably the portion of Shut the F*ck Up Juice that a lot of people outside New Orleans might need to drink if they are at all serious about trying to understand the divergence between what they see on screen and what they think in their own heads is on a blog called Back of Town.

Translation: “You should also check out this great website, W W W dot eat my cock dot com.”

We’re actually catching real musical performance on film that is being played by the musicians in the moment it’s being filmed. Not to disrespect “Glee,” for what it is, but if you watch that for performance and for its musicianship, I think you’re short-changing yourself.

Translation: “Not to disrespect but ‘Glee,’ but… wait. I do mean disrespect to ‘Glee’.”

We’re actually being true to the thing. In some ways, people outside New Orleans are prisoners of what they don’t know, or of what they know now, five years later.

Translation: “Other people aren’t as smart as I am.”

You wanna know what the real problem with “Treme” is? Not enough vuvuzela.